


Eternally Yours

by scorpion22



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Major character death - Freeform, True Love, remembering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:52:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5407160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpion22/pseuds/scorpion22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Rumple and Belle's life together before they are separated. How will Rumple manage without her and is there a chance he will see her again or will she live again only in his memories please read and find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Last Moments

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU fic, but it will still have some moments from the show. I own nothing please read and review and please forgive me for the major character death in the beginning believe me when I say it will make sense as more chapters come.

The halls of the dark castle were menacing and silent in the wake of the tragedy that was looming.   
“ Please don’t take her from me “ breathed Rumpelstiltskin under his breath these words had become his silent mantra as he paced in the hallway outside his bedchamber his heart filled with dread and panic for his light, his love, his lady, his wife, his Belle. She had fallen ill days before and her condition had worsened as time went on; now the dwarf known as Doc, Granny, and the little wolf girl Red were in there tending to her. He stopped all movement when he felt a hand grasp his shoulder and turning his head he looked into the eyes of his dearest friend Jefferson.   
“ Jefferson you were supposed to stay with Grace and the children I don’t want them to be alone right now “ explained Rumpelstiltskin looking at his friend letting him move him to sit in a nearby chair his whole body shaking in his fear.   
“ They’re asleep they will be fine I was worried about how you were holding up, have they told you anything “asked Jefferson looking at the door in question hoping in that moment someone would exit with news on the lady of the dark castle.   
“ No all has been silent “ whispered Rumpelstiltskin turning as suddenly the door opened and Doc, Granny, and Red walked into the hall tears in all their eyes and it was then they both knew all hope was lost.   
“ Please no “ breathed Rumpelstiltskin feeling his whole life come to an end when he saw the look on each of their faces feeling numb and lifeless inside as they approached him the group surrounding him in the black mourning hallway.  
“ We’re so, so sorry Rumpelstiltskin, but there is nothing no to be done, you better go to her now she doesn’t have much time she is waiting for you “ cried Granny looking at him placing a hand on his shoulder for just a second before walking past him down the hall with all the others. He felt the tears moving down his face as he watched the open door of his bed chamber; he didn’t want to go in there and say goodbye to the light of his life, he didn’t want to say goodbye to his beautiful Belle, but he also knew he couldn’t let her lay in there alone he would be with her she would die in his arms and he would make sure she knew he loved her and when she was gone then he would die too.   
Rumpelstiltskin left a crying Jefferson in the hallway as he inched towards the door closing it behind him once he had stepped inside. Belle laid in their bed covered in blankets her pale porcelain skin was paler than usual, her chestnut curls spread across the pillow and it was hard to believe this was his Belle, his strong beauty he had never seen her look so fragile before.   
“Rumpelstiltskin “breathed Belle looking up at him a ghost of a smile on her lips at the sight of him as she raised her hand beckoning him closer. Taking her cold frail hand in his he looked down at her as he sat on the bed at her side trying to stay his emotions for her in that moment.   
“ Come closer, lay next to me, I want to be close to you now “ gasped Belle a single tear running down her cheek her voice cracking ever so slightly; she knew what was coming she could feel her life leaving her and in her final moments just like in life she wanted to be with him.   
“ I love you Rumpelstiltskin “ whispered Belle once he laid next to her on the bed gathering her in his arms looking into her eyes and it was her words and her blue pools of light that broke him making him hold her close as he buried his head in her curls unable to hold back the tears another second.   
“I love you Belle, I love you so much you are my world my light my everything I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to say goodbye I don’t want to live without you “sobbed Rumpelstiltskin his forehead against hers as he looked into her eyes tears in them their tears falling onto their interlocking hands as they rested against the pillow.   
“ Then don’t say goodbye, this isn’t goodbye we’ll be together again in another place, but until then always remember I’m not leaving you I’ll always be with you watching over you and our children guarding you from harm “ exclaimed Belle looking into his amber eyes bringing her other hand to touch his green gold cheek feeling as he leaned closer.   
“Promise me something “whispered Belle wiping the tears from his face waiting for his full attention holding his face in her hands before continuing.   
“Anything my love “breathed Rumpelstiltskin determined to make every last moment with her count.   
“ I need you to promise me that when I’m gone you won’t do yourself harm that you won’t kill yourself with the dagger and I need you to promise me you won’t fall into darkness I want you to go on living for our children they will need you more than ever before once I’m gone please can you promise me that “ begged Belle her words bringing tears to her own eyes as she peered into his eyes wanting to stay with him as she thought of their children in that moment.   
“ Oh Belle I love you “ gasped Rumpelstiltskin kissing her lips ever so briefly as they cried together clinging to each other.   
“ I promise not to do myself harm, but Belle I can’t promise the darkness won’t take me without you what am I to do without my shining star, how can I live without you “ sobbed Rumpelstiltskin his heart breaking every second as his loves life ticked away.   
“Our children Rumple they are your light as much as I am let them keep the darkness from destroying you “cried Belle as strong as she was trying to be she didn’t want to die she wanted to stay with her Rumpelstiltskin and their children. “ Do you want the children here I can have Jefferson wake them “ whispered Rumpelstiltskin making to move away from her when she stopped him shaking her head her children’s faces tattooed into her mind in that moment.   
He returned to her holding her tight against his chest as she cried hard now her hands fisted into his shirt before she looked up at him her forehead against his again as he dried her tears.  
“ No, no leave them be I don’t want their last memory of me to be watching me die, but you tell them I love them don’t let them forget that or me I want them to remember me as I was “ cried Belle looking up into his eyes begging him to understand this wish.   
“I won’t let them forget you my Belle they will always remember you and the love you had for them and the love we shared I will keep you alive in their memory I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you I love you “whispered Rumpelstiltskin taking her face in his hands both their eyes still shining with tears neither wanted to ever be without the other they didn’t want to let go.   
“I love you too my Rumple I have loved you since that day in the hall when you caught me when I fell from the ladder I will always love you even in death and when we meet again I will never let you forget that I love you “whispered Belle smiling at him as in that same moment she suddenly found it harder to breathe.   
“ Belle “ exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin as he felt her breathing slow in that moment her life beginning to slowly slip away they both knew the end was near both of them crying in that moment because they knew their time together was almost over.   
“ Rumpelstiltskin please kiss me “ exclaimed Belle fighting to take a breath looking up into his eyes her eyes filled with tears a silent plea in them; this was something she wanted, something she desperately needed.   
“ I love you Belle I will always love you I will never ever stop “ breathed Rumpelstiltskin holding her face in his hands moving his thumbs over her cheeks as tears cascaded down them memorizing her beauty before inching closer to her their noses touching just before he fulfilled her last wish kissing her lips.   
“Oh Rumple I love you too “gasped Belle as their lips parted; she had loved every kiss she had ever shared with her husband, but this kiss wasn’t enough she needed more, this kiss was short and sweet his lips leaving hers before she could memorize the curve of his lips and the taste of them she needed him to kiss her again. When they parted she smiled the sweetest of smiles up at him taking his hands in hers their heads still touching.   
“ Rumpelstiltskin please do it again kiss me please kiss me again I want to spend these last moments kissing you and telling you I love you and I do I love you Rumpelstiltskin “ gasped Belle struggling to take a breath clinging to him even more now as she continued.   
“ Rumple, my Rumpelstiltskin please kiss me like you always have, like you would if we weren’t here like this, like you would if I was well please kiss me one last time “ exclaimed Belle holding onto him for dear life bringing a hand to his cheek tears sliding down his cheeks and well as her own.   
“I love you Belle “whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking at her knowing this would be their last kiss the memory of their first flashing through his mind.   
“ I know and I love you too my Rumple I always have and I always will I love you “ gasped Belle continuing to struggle to breath just before he captured her lips with his own kissing her for the final time. The kiss wasn’t like the previous one it wasn’t short or brief it was exactly what she hoped it would be, what every kiss they had ever shared always was long, drawn out and filled to over flowing with all their love and passion for each other. When the kiss ended she looked up at him into his eyes her hands that had come to cradle his face slowly slipping away as she felt death approaching her coming to claim her life. Her body felt numb and in that moment she couldn’t take her eyes off of him, she didn’t want to leave him.   
“I love you Rumple “whispered Belle suddenly feeling as if she was floating away out of her body, as if she was floating away from him as she said those words on her final breath. Her body went limp and unmoving and she stopped breathing in the same moment as her heart, the heart that had always belonged to him and him alone stopped beating. Rumpelstiltskin looked down into the face of his beloved Belle his eyes moving over her unmoving form seconds after watching her take her last breath her love for him her dying words the truth of the moment sinking in; she was gone and she wasn’t coming back, she was gone and as that sunk in his heart shattered as the tears came an inhuman sound escaping his lips as he crushed her lifeless body to him crying his tears of heart break washing over them both. 

TEN YEARS EARLIER…..

The light that had entered the dark castle was extinguished the minute he sent her away.   
“I miss her “whispered Rumpelstiltskin as he sat at his wheel trying to spin the memory of her away. She had been gone nearly three days and he wanted to go find her and beg her forgiveness, beg her to return, but he restrained himself telling himself that she was better off without him, without his darkness tainting her light. Suddenly the doors to the great hall opened and he heard someone enter, but he didn’t look to see who he remained where he sat at his wheel. It wasn’t until he felt a pair of familiar hands on his shoulders that he turned finding Belle.   
“ Belle “ breathed Rumpelstiltskin looking up at her into her blue eyes looking at her beautiful form before putting on the mask of the dark one to cover his joy at the sight of her.   
“Rumpelstiltskin “called Belle as he stood up bounding away from her across the room leaning a hip against the long table turning to look at her.   
“ Why did you come back dearie did you forget something “ snapped Rumpelstiltskin his eyes moving over her beautiful form as she slowly approached him a look of determination set onto her face.   
“ I came back because I love you, I want to be with you Rumpelstiltskin I don’t care about magic or the darkness I know what I want and I want you, I love you and I’m not going to let you push me away “ exclaimed Belle now standing about three feet away from him reaching for him.   
“ No dearie no one can love me I’m a monster “ whispered Rumpelstiltskin as if that was the simplest answer in the world giving her a sad smile losing the mask of the dark one as he looked at her in that moment seeing her frown moving towards him until they were toe to toe.   
“You are not a monster “whispered Belle seconds before he hands gripped the lapels of his dragons skin coat pulling his lips to hers kissing him with a tender fierce passion he hadn’t known she possessed.   
“ I can and I will love you, I do love you Rumpelstiltskin and that means I love all of you, the good, the bad, the darkness and the light I love you no matter what and I know you love me too you can deny it all you want, but I know you love me too I can feel it and I see it in your eyes when you look at me we love each other please let me love you “ exclaimed Belle as their lips parted their noses brushing as their foreheads touched as he held her face in his hands brushing the curls that had wondered into her face away looking at her letting her see the love he had for her in his eyes.   
“ You deserve more, you deserve so much more than me, you deserve a handsome prince not an old monster “ whispered Rumpelstiltskin watching as she smiled at his words sliding her hands from his face to his shoulders until they were wrapped around his neck their faces so close he could feel her breathe hot on his skin.   
“Don’t you see my Rumple I don’t want that I want you to me you are my handsome prince, to me you are not a monster you never have been you are my prince, my love and I love you and I never want anyone, but you “exclaimed Belle feeling as the words left her mouth in that moment as his arms finally encircled his waist holding her tight against him looking at her a moment before kissing her. This kiss was heated, but it felt as if it lasted only seconds when they finally parted looking at each other both their gazes heated with love for the other.   
“ I love you Belle “ whispered Rumpelstiltskin his mouth curving into a lopsided grin watching as her eyes seemed to glow with a new light at his words her own mouth forming a wide smile filled to bursting with pure happiness.   
“ I love you too my Rumpelstiltskin “ whispered Belle smiling and bursting into a fit of laughter his name on her lips as he swung her to sit atop the long table coming to stand between her legs his lips seeking out hers.   
“ I’m so sorry my Belle so ,so sorry for ever letting you go, for ever sending you away I promise I will find a way to make it up to you “ exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin one arm tight around her waist holding her close his other hand in her hair moving to her neck his eyes boring into hers.   
“Just promise to never do it again “whispered Belle taking his face in her hands leaning her head against his pecking him on the lips her eyes closing in contentment.   
“I promise I will never send you away ever, ever again you will never leave me, you will remain by my side I will spend the rest of my days proving to you how much really truly love you and I do my Belle I love you “whispered Rumpelstiltskin pulling her close their arms wrapped around each other their lips colliding as they attacked each other with desperation and a new found fervor.   
When he deepened the kiss caressing the inside of her mouth sucking her tongue making her moan instinctively pulling him closer her hands running over him her legs wrapping around his waist pulling him flush against her as her fingers dived into his hair. She held him to her as his lips left hers trailing over her jaw to her ear tracing his tongue over the soft flesh of the lobe before trailing over her flesh with kisses.   
“Rumple please “gasped Belle her words a breathe against his skin before she pulled his lips back to her kissing him with desperation.   
“Please what sweetheart what do you need “breathed Rumpelstiltskin his head against hers both of their breathing ragged and uncontrolled.   
“Make love to me Rumple “whispered Belle opening her eyes looking into his amber orbs.   
“Belle “breathed Rumpelstiltskin bringing a hand to caress her cheek smiling when he felt her lean into his touch.  
“Rumple please don’t say no I know what I want and I want you my Rumple please I love you so much I want you, I want you to make love to me I want you to make me yours in every way I want to be yours “exclaimed Belle gasping as her words were cut off ending abruptly when his lips covered hers.   
“Belle are you sure this is what you want “whispered Rumpelstiltskin his words barely a whisper against her lips.   
“ Yes I want you please Rumple make me yours I love you so much make me yours “ breathed Belle before her lips found his again wrapping her arms and legs tight around him their bodies clinging together as his own arms encircled her. Suddenly they disappeared in a puff of purple smoke and when they reappeared they were in a room she knew to be his bedchamber.  
“ Rumple “ moaned Belle as their kiss broke his lips leaving hers as her back hit the bed his hands fisted in the fabric at her waist as his lips moved over her neck trailing hot open mouthed kisses over her skin letting him begin to worship her the way she deserved. He stopped when he came to the opening of her dress only then did their eyes meet and he returned to her kissing her tenderly before looking at her seeking permission to continue.   
“ Make me yours “ whispered Belle her lips curving into a smile as she kissed him her fingers in his hair her nails scraping against his scalp making him growl deep within his chest breaking the kiss to attack her neck his hands finally leaving her waist moving higher. Opening the laces at the front of her dress he felt himself grow hard as more of her beauty came into view his teeth nipping at her collarbone her fingers still in his hair pulling at the strands as she moaned and made the most delious sounds beneath him. Suddenly before he knew what he was doing he ripped the rest of her dress and her shift down the middle parting the folds revealing every inch of her.   
“Belle “gasped Rumpelstiltskin now completely erect as he ran his hands over her and then when he met her eyes smiling at the blush coloring her entire face.   
“Are you alright my love do you want to stop “whispered Rumpelstiltskin bringing a hand to rest at the side of her neck his eyes filled with love and concern?   
“No Rumple I want this, I want you I was just nervous that you might be disappointed with me…with my body “whispered Belle looking anywhere, but at him. He couldn’t help the laugh that slipped free as he nuzzled her neck kissing the skin there smiling down at her as he made her meet his gaze his forehead against hers his amber eyes peering into her blue ocean eyes kissing her with passion.   
“Oh my Belle sweetheart I love you, you could never disappoint me in any way possible especially at this very moment you are the most beautiful sight in the world nothing as beautiful as you as ever been in my bed and having you here in my arms loving me and wanting me, wanting to be yours, wanting to be mine nothing pleases me more “exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin capturing her lips in a passionate kiss before continuing.   
“You are an angel about to let a monster defile you, are you sure this is what you want “breathed Rumpelstiltskin looking down at her watching her intently.   
“Rumple I love you and to me you are not a monster you are my love, my Rumpelstiltskin and I am about to give myself to you, I am about to let the man I love make me his and his alone Rumple I love you and I want you please make me yours now “whispered Belle her arms wrapping around him pulling him close so she could kiss him passionately.   
“Rumple you are overdressed help me take your clothes off “smiled Belle looking up into his eyes as she ran her hands over him opening his dragon skin coat quickly removing it. Smiling at her he kissed her his hands smoothing themselves over her naked sides nipping at her jaw nuzzling her skin as his lips left hers suddenly in nothing, but his leathers with a single thought her destroyed dress and shift disappearing too landing in a pile on the floor with the rest of his clothes.   
“ Magic does have its perks doesn’t it “ gasped Belle running her hands up his back his lips finding her pulse point suckling and biting leaving a red angry mark labeling her as his girl, his lady, labeling her as his.   
“ Yes many perks “ growled Rumpelstiltskin sliding his hands over her cupping her breasts making her moan her nipples hardening with a single brush of his fingers his lips still exploring her.   
Trailing his tongue down her throat and over her collarbone he came to the valley between her breasts before encircling a peak flicking at it with his tongue before sucking it into his mouth making her moan his name her arms cradling his head and looking at her out of the corner of his eye the sight of her was beautiful her eyes half lidded, her head flung back in pleasure, her lips forming a perfect o his name constantly leaving her lips her legs spreading around him his body in-between her legs.   
“Oh Rumple please I want you “moaned Belle as he switched to her other breast feeling the hard bulge from inside his leathers knowing that she had caused it that she did that to him making her feel pride and a wave of arousal washed over her as she pulled him back up to her kissing him hard and desperate slithering her tongue into his mouth without hesitation. He returned her kisses with passion and heat he let a hand wander over her body making gooseflesh appear on her pale porcelain skin stopping just before reaching her center before continuing lower. He ached from within his leathers as he ran a finger through her center finding her wet and dripping for him making her gasp into their kiss her hands splaying over his back wrapping her arms around him wanting him closer as he made her feel something she had never felt before for the first time. He couldn’t believe that this beautiful woman beneath him wanted him in that moment that she was dripping wet for him and he didn’t know what he had done to deserve her as he slipped one then two fingers into her tight canal making her break the kiss throwing her head back whimpering his name and in that moment he couldn’t help, but think that he loved hearing it on her lips.   
Moving at a pace she seemed to like being careful not to take her virtue he used his thumb to play with her bundle of nerves her hips bucking as she reached her end.   
“ Rumpelstiltskin “ screamed Belle as she reached the edge falling over the precipice for that first time her body quaking with pleasure his fingers leaving her center moving his fingers to his lips and when the taste of her hit his tongue he couldn’t help, but groan she was delious. He held her in his arms as she came down from her high and once she was in his arms again he kissed her smiling against her lips as she moaned tasting herself on his tongue.   
“ Rumple please I want you, I want you inside me let me have all of you “ whispered Belle the words escaping her lips in-between heated kisses her hands moving to his leathers. She looked up at him her eyes matching his own both were blown wide with the combination of their love and lust as she attempted to begin the work of opening his leathers before he stopped her.   
Bringing her hands to his lips he smiled against the skin of her wrists as he kissed both her pulse points before wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he kissed her heatedly. Suddenly with another thought his leathers disappeared and they were both naked and bare to each other and when their lips finally parted he felt her eyes move over him settling on his erect cock for a minute before looking into his amber eyes finding his lips again.   
“You’re exquisite; this moment right now is more than I ever hoped it would be and you’re the only man I would choose to have it with “whispered Belle capturing his lips one final time before ending it looking up at him.   
“ I love you Belle “ whispered Rumpelstiltskin caressing her cheek kissing her nose, her cheeks, and her forehead before kissing her lips moving his hands to her thighs spreading her legs farther apart caressing the skin of her inner thighs as he prepared to take her and claim her as his own.   
“I love you Rumple “breathed Belle against his lips as he continued to kiss her moving a hand to align their bodies groaning as the head of his cock entered her tight sheath clutching him nearly to death.   
He entered her filling her until he felt her barrier looking down at her finding her eyes closed her lips between her teeth an erotic moan escaping her lips.  
“ Belle “ breathed Rumpelstiltskin her arms winding tight around his shoulders as her eyes opened blue peering into red as he leaned to kiss her both of them preparing for the moment to come.   
“Are you ready my love “breathed Rumpelstiltskin his hands resting softly at her sides his thumbs running over the smooth skin of her waist?   
“Yes my Rumpelstiltskin I’m so ready make me yours now and always “smiled Belle moaning as he attacked her lips this kiss intense and fiery their love for each other nearly overwhelming his hips snapping forward in that moment taking her virtue with that one movement. A tiny scream of pain left her lips in that moment her hands clutching him still her nails digging into the skin of his back as he filled her that first time.   
He settled fully into the warm heat of her body not moving a muscle until he was sure she was ready his eyes never leaving her face.   
“ Did I hurt you are you alright sweetheart “ whispered Rumpelstiltskin burying his head in the crook of his neck as she squeezed him she was so tight and when he looked into her eyes she had never looked more beautiful kissing away the tears that had escaped her eyes before pecking her on the lips.   
“No Rumple I’m fine you didn’t hurt me it was a necessary pain, it was worth it to be with you like this, to be yours finally I’m finally yours in every now forever “whispered Belle a smile curving her lips before she captured his lips kissing him tenderly and with all her love taking his breath away with the sheer power of it.   
“ You can move now love “ breathed Belle smiling up at him as her hands left his shoulders coming to cradle his face in her hands returning his lips to hers. Rumpelstiltskin groaned as he thrust into her for the first time her tightness gripping him pleasure shooting up his body beginning a rhythm she matched meeting him thrust for thrust.   
“ Rumpelstiltskin “ gasped Belle her eyes half lidded in pleasure her hands moving over his back her legs held tight around his waist pulling him deeper inside her with every thrust. He brought a hand to fondle one of her beautiful mounds of flesh running his thumb over her puckered nipple his other arm wrapped tight around her body holding her as if she was the most precious thing in the world and beginning on that day, in that moment she was. Running his lips over the hollow of her throat he couldn’t help, but grin into her flesh at the passionate sounds she made as he claimed her for the first time her fingers in his hair tugging at the strands as she begged for more her words nearly incoherent.   
“Belle come with me “growled Rumpelstiltskin attacking her lips with love he was so close to the edge and he knew she was too and then suddenly they fell over the edge together.   
“ Belle “ gasped Rumpelstiltskin burying his head in the curve of her neck making her screams of pleasure even louder as he bit into the skin of her neck his magic washing over them both in that moment centering on their interlocking hands.   
“Rumpelstiltskin “screamed Belle as the ache of their love soured through her body until suddenly they fell back to earth together both of them feeling complete in each other’s arms. They laid in each other’s arms their breathing heavy as they clung together.   
“ I love you Belle “ breathed Rumpelstiltskin kissing along the length of her neck before looking down at her, she looked so beautiful in that moment that he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.   
“I love you my Rumpelstiltskin “smiled Belle caressing his cheek their eyes matching red and blue orbs filled with love for only each other. She couldn’t help, but whimper in loss as he left her body curling under the blankets with her by his side her head on his chest their eyes constantly interlocked both of them smiling.   
“Rumple what are these on our wrists “asked Belle her gaze leaving his to look at their wrists. They both now had a tattoo on their wrists and when they looked at each other again they both knew it was caused by the magic they had both felt surge through them during their love making. On her wrist was now a beautiful R embedded into her skin marking her as his while on his wrist was an equally beautiful B embedded into his skin marking him as hers.   
“I think my magic wanted to make it clear to the entire world that we belong to only each other “said Rumpelstiltskin taking her hand in his kissing the mark in question feeling as it tingled against his lips.   
“Good I want everyone the whole world to know we belong together forever that your mine and I’m yours “smiled Belle mimicking his actions feeling the same tingling against her own lips.   
As soon as her lips left his wrist he pulled her lips to his kissing her with a passion he had never felt for anyone, but her rolling her onto her back laying on top of her deepening the kiss.   
“I love you Belle I’m never letting you go ever again “whispered Rumpelstiltskin brushing his lips over hers again and again.   
“I’m going to hold you to that Rumpelstiltskin I am going to love you, I’m going to love you until the day I die “exclaimed Belle holding his face in her hands kissing him heatedly and they kept their word; he never let her go and she loved him until the day she died.


	2. Final Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumpelstiltskin says goodbye to his true love.

Rumpelstiltskin sat in the great hall at his wheel and for a moment it felt like all those years ago. He almost expected to feel her hands on his shoulders, her lips coming to graze his cheek and as the thought, the memory entered his mind he could swear he felt her. Turning his head he wanted to find her there next to him like he always had so many times over the last ten years, but his side was empty she was gone, his Belle was gone forever. Falling to his knees he howled in despair, his wife, his love, his Belle was dead and gone. He was brought back from his sorrow by the clearing of a throat and when he looked up tears covering his face like a mask, he saw Jefferson and Granny standing in the doorway.  
“She is ready, it is time to bring her here to lie in state until the burial “whispered Granny her words so quiet had he not had exceptional hearing he wouldn’t have heard a word she said. As she spoke Granny kept her eyes glued to the floor refusing to look at the dealmaker in his moment of sorrow; never in her life would she have thought she would see the all-powerful dark one cry. Rumpelstiltskin didn’t move he remained silent and it wasn’t until Jefferson approached him hauling him to his feet that he spoke.   
“ Jefferson I need a moment before I can see her, my Belle…my Belle like that “ cried Rumpelstiltskin his entire body shaking unshed tears in his eyes as he looked at his friend a silent plea there for him to understand.   
“ Why don’t you go out for a walk around the grounds, I’ll come for you when everything is ready “ whispered Jefferson putting his arm around the imps shoulders and leading his silent mourning form out of the room and out of the castle returning shortly after to help prepare the great hall for its lady’s eternal rest. As Rumpelstiltskin moved along the grounds of the dark castle he felt nothing only the despair, the loneliness that came with the death of his beauty.   
It was a cold winter day, but the imp felt no chill, the only thing he could think of was Belle, he still loved her and he felt that love even though she was gone. He had meant what he said to her as she lay dying, he would love her for the rest of his days, he would never love another, and he would never let her memory fade. She would be remembered by their children and him; they would not forget her. Before he knew it he found himself in the garden, her garden.  
“Belle “whispered Rumpelstiltskin her name leaving his lips as if in a prayer as he stood in this place she had loved so much; every rose and plant was still in bloom despite the chill of the winter air, he had used magic to ensure he garden always remained in its full beauty and as he sat on their bench of cold stone in the center of this oasis he remembered her joy at the sight of the forever blooming flowers. He cut a single rose from a nearby bush looking down at it as he held it in his hand.   
“Belle “cried Rumpelstiltskin a million memories flying through his mind in that moment, memories of their life together and as he thought of them he couldn’t explain it, but he could still feel her with him, he had felt her since the moment she had dead, but eveytime he turned to search for her she wasn’t there and now in this place where they had rejoiced and spent many a happy time he felt her more than ever.   
“I miss you Belle “cried Rumpelstiltskin his body shaking without control as he cried in his misery his eyes remaining on the forever in bloom rose he held remembering a moment long ago when he had offered her a rose and she had accepted it not knowing at the time that it was her betrothed, the brute she had almost been forced to marry. Jefferson appeared out of nowhere and nothing was said between them as his friend approached placing a hand on his shoulder silently telling him it was time to say goodbye, it was time to lay his beauty, his Belle to rest.   
“ Please someone give me strength “ thought Rumpelstiltskin as he stood moving with the hatter back toward the front of the castle and then suddenly they were there standing in the doorway of the great hall; he could see her lying in her deathly silence silhouetted in the darkness of the room. He had been a coward his entire life and it took all his courage to move from the doorway into the room where she lay.   
Belle looked as beautiful in death as she had in life and if he hadn’t of known any better he would have thought she was only sleeping. She wore a beautiful midnight blue dress with cap sleeves, a long flowing skirt with an empire waist. Her hands were folded peacefully across her waist and her long chestnut curls were fanned out along the pillow her head rested upon. The two men stood in silence side by side looking down at her as she lay shrouded in death. The castle seemed to sense the loss of its mistress, it had grown dark and had it not been for the candles that flickered around them they would have stood in complete darkness.   
“Should I get the children, so they can say goodbye “asked Jefferson tears moving down his cheeks as he gazed down at the lady of the dark castle; he would miss her she had been one of his dearest and most beloved friends?   
“ No, she didn’t want them to see her as she lay dying, she didn’t want to be remembered in that way, she wouldn’t want them to see her like this, she wouldn’t want to be remembered as a cold, lifeless corpse she wanted to be remembered as she was, they can say their goodbyes once she is already buried “ whispered Rumpelstiltskin his voice cracking as he spoke shaking his head vigorously as he held in his tears moving to stand closer to the dais on which she lay. He tried without success to hold back his tears, but he could not do it, not when she laid there the reality finally coming to slap him in the face; this wasn’t a nightmarish dream she was really gone, she was dead and now he would have to find a way to go on without her by his side, but in that moment he just couldn’t imagine a life without her. The rose that had come from her garden was still in his hand held tightly between his fingertips and continuing to let the tears move down his face he placed it on her chest.   
“I love you Belle, I don’t know what to do without you here to guide me “whispered Rumpelstiltskin his body racked with sobs as he spoke causing him to fall to his knees before the dais where her body lay.   
“What do I say to him now he has lost nearly everything he holds most dear, what do I say to comfort him now “thought Jefferson as he moved around the dais to stand on the opposite side as the imp kneeling next to it and gazing upon her face as it shone in the flickering candlelight before letting his eyes find those of the inconsolable dealmaker still unsure what he could do or say to his friend in that moment to comfort him in this time of great sorrow. However, there was something he knew he had to say not for Rumpelstiltskin, but for Belle. The hatter knew her spirit still roamed these halls and that she was most likely in this very room at that very moment watching over all of them and he hoped she was, that she would hear what he was about to say in her honor.   
“Rumpel would you mind terribly if I said a few words to honor Belle “whispered Jefferson looking across at his friend watching as he met his gaze. Rumpelstiltskin took a shaky breathe fighting to control the sobs that wanted to burst forth and rack his entire body before looking at Jefferson as he nodded his consent and his thanks.   
Jefferson looked at the still form that was Belle, his beloved friend a jagged breathe leaving his body as the words he wanted to say formed in his mind fueled by his many memories of this beloved, sweet, caring, exquisite lady. “The first time I ventured into this castle I immediately knew why it was called the dark castle; it was filled with darkness “began Jefferson.   
“ Then one day I came here and something was very different, this castle was filled with light, a light that you brought when you came here Belle “ continued Jefferson taking a shaky breathe as he held back his own tears at the loss of his friend.   
“ You were the bravest person I’ve ever known, you had a courage I’ve never seen in another, you had the courage to come here and not only bring light to the dark castle, but to the man that dwelled within, you had the courage to show him that he wasn’t what he believed himself to be, but so much more and you loved him “exclaimed Jefferson hearing Rumpel’s strangled sobs knowing his words had caused them, but in that moment he couldn’t stop he had to go on only giving the imp a sad melancholy smile that he returned halfheartedly before they both looked at Belles lifeless form once more.   
“ You loved him from beginning to end, everyone who ever knew you loved you, you were a friend to anyone you ever met, a friend to those in need, you were never anything, but kind to those around you, you were a friend who would listen, give your advice without judgment, you left your heart open to those who needed your love whether they wanted it or not, you were a wife who loved her husband, who picked him up whenever he fell, who stood by his side come what may, you devoted your life, your love, and everything that you were to him “ cried Jefferson no longer able to hold back his own tears as they came running down his face like an unstoppable rain memories flashing through his mind, his eyes still locked with Rumpel’s as he nodded in agreement to every word he spoke.   
“ You were a mother who loved her children unconditionally, who loved and protected them like a fierce lioness, you nurtured them, you filled them with your love, your devotion and you never ever let them forget about the strength of the love you had for them, you never let a single being you let into your heart forget your love for them “ exclaimed Jefferson drawing a final excruciating breathe as he prepared to bring his honorable words to this much loved lady to a close. “And finally you were an angel in life and I have no doubt you will be an angel in death, a guardian angel, you will no doubt be watching over us all, you will be our guardian angel and we will love you for the rest of our days, we will never forget you, and we will miss you dearly forever “cried Jefferson bringing his heartfelt words to a close.   
All remained silent in the seconds after he was done speaking as his words sunk in their meaning and the loss of the lady they were for bringing fresh tears to the two men’s eyes and then nothing was heard, but the sound of those tears. Finally the two men looked at each other and the imp nodded his head in silent thanks; the hatter’s words had been perfect, they had described his Belle in all her entirety.   
“ Rumpel I know you have your own words to say I’ll leave you alone with her now, but I’ll be just out in the hallway if you need me “ said Jefferson towering over the imp as he rose to his feet moving to stand next to him as he spoke.   
“Yes thank you Jefferson you are a good friend I will forever be grateful for your presence here during this time, but could you please go check the children if I am in need of you I will come for you “gasped Rumpelstiltskin looking at the unmoving form that was his wife, his Belle trying to hold himself together, but failing miserably. When the double doors of the great hall closed behind the hatter he drew a cracked rasping breathe closing his eyes gathering the last vintages of strength he had left, he knew he would need them to say goodbye to her, his Belle the words forming in his mind as memory after loving memory flowed behind his closed lids. Opening his eyes once more they were filled with tears that slid down his cheeks and fell onto the dais she lay upon, but still his eyes never left her face wanting it all to be some cruel joke, some nightmarish dream, he wanted so badly for her to suddenly wakeup and give him that smile he loved so much, but she didn’t she was gone, his beautiful bride, his Belle was gone and before he knew it he was once again racked with sobs over the loss of his great love his head falling onto the dais both his hands coming to take her cold lifeless one in his own. As he sat there in a crumpled pile crying hysterically he prayed for strength once more, he prayed for the strength to go on without her because in that moment he didn’t know how, he didn’t know how he was supposed to go on without her by his side to guard him, to love him, and to keep the darkness at bay. He didn’t know how he was ever going to survive without her.


	3. The Burial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle is Laid to rest.

The great hall remained silent except for the sound of the unrestrained sobs of Rumpelstiltskin. Sobbing into the dais, Belles lifeless hand held in his, he didn’t know what else to do. He needed her and now she was gone, the reality of that sinking in as he held her cold hand between both of his; his tears fell onto their hands like before when he had held her on her death bed.   
“Belle I wish you could come back, I love you so much. I feel you at my side even now, but you’re not really there you’re gone. You’re gone and I miss you so much,” cried Rumpelstiltskin letting his tear filled eyes gaze upon her as he lifted his head from the dais. She had always been an angel just like the Hatter had said, his angel, and in that moment he knew she truly was one now.   
“I miss you so much my angel, my love, my Belle,” gasped Rumpelstiltskin kissing her hand and the skin of her wrist with every word his eyes coming to settle on the tattoo their love had created so many years ago.   
The R that his magic had placed there was still there marking her as his. She had always been his and he had always been hers.   
“You will always be my true love, my only true love. Your love will forever be forged into my skin as mine will always be embroidered into yours, I will love you forever. Every time I see your B, the sign of your love on my skin I will think of you and the love we shared, the happiness we shared, and the memories of our life together. I will think of you every single day and I will never forget you I promise,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking at her as he rolled up his sleeve and looked at the B forged into his skin the same as hers.   
“I’ll always love you Belle. My heart will never belong to anyone, but you. I will hold you in my heart for eternity,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin kissing her wrist and the R that rested there preparing to continue his final goodbye to his love.   
“I never thought we would be parted. I always thought we would be together forever; it never ever entered my mind that death would part us. I wanted us to have forever, I promised you forever, and we promised each other forever. And I miss you. And I love you; I don’t know what to do without you. I still don’t know what to do, before you entered my life, my world, and my heart I only knew darkness and now without you I don’t know how to stay in the light ,without you, my light. I don’t know what to do; no one loved me before you, no one has ever loved me the way you did. Before you arrived I was just the Dark One, I was someone to be feared and repulsed, but you loved me and made me a man again. You always saw me as more than the Dark One, you saw me as a man, a man you loved and who loved you. You always just saw me as your Rumpelstiltskin, your Rumpel and I always loved you for that because when you came back to me and professed your love for me I never doubted your love for me. I knew you loved me, and I tried throughout our life together to make sure you knew I loved you too. I will always love you. I loved that I could confide in you and tell you everything and you’d never judge me, you’d listen and love me and make it alright. I will miss you forever, I will love you forever. There are so many things I will miss about you. I will miss the way you would wrap your arms around me as I was spinning and kiss my cheek. I will miss hearing your laughter echoing down the halls,” sobbed Rumpelstiltskin suddenly needing to stop as his tears took control of his body. Rumpelstiltskin cried unabashedly burying his face in his hands her hand still clasped in both of his. His whole body shook with the force of his sobs as his memories of her, of her laughter, of her smiles, of her kisses, of intimate moments between just the two of them, and happy moments gazing into her blue eyes filled his mind.   
“I will miss your kisses on my cheek; your kisses on my lips. I will miss your smile especially that little smirk you would give me when you knew I was up to no good. I will miss waking up in the morning with you in my arms. I will miss waking up in the morning and having your face be the first thing I see. I will miss finding solace in your arms, and knowing that I could always count on you like you could count on me. I will miss the light that you brought into my world and my heart. I will miss everything about you; I will miss you so much. If it weren’t for the children I’d have no reason to go on, you were right as always, they are my light just like you, but without you the world still feels darker than ever before. And I don’t know what to do now. I know you wanted me to go on and for you I will, but right now I don’t know how. You wanted me to go on for the children, but how do I raise them and keep them safe without you. You’ve been gone one day and I already feel the darkness trying to creep back to claim my heart, but I’m fighting it because you didn’t want me to let the darkness consume me. And for you I will continue to fight it and I know if I keep your love in my heart and let the children’s light shine on me I will be able to fight it. I will look after our children and never let them forget you and I will never let them forget that you are watching over us and loving us. I will keep them safe and continue to love them and I will always keep you alive in their hearts and in their memories,” gasped Rumpelstiltskin laying his head on the dais and letting his tears flow freely as he brought his words of love to her to a close.   
He didn’t know how long he cried over her, but finally Rumpel rose to his feet, kissing her hand one last time.   
“I miss you Belle. I will always miss you,” breathed Rumpelstiltskin as he gazed down upon her letting a dead silence fill the room as he stroked her cheek lovingly his eyes never leaving her face.   
“Goodbye my love,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin as his lips hovered over her forehead a second before finally closing the distance and kissing it. Then still looking down upon her, he never wanted to leave her, and looking down at her tears continued to fall from his amber eyes one of them falling onto her cheek because in that moment it all came crashing down on him, he would never see her again after this moment, this would be the last time he would ever see her.   
“Goodbye my beauty; I love you. I love you Belle,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin letting his eyes stare down at her memorizing every inch of her from her face to her hands to her toes and feet before letting his lips hover over hers closing his eyes more tears falling as he touched his lips to hers for the last time.   
“I love you; I promise you I always will,” breathed Rumpelstiltskin against her lips as the kiss ended and he slowly backed away from her to stand in the gloom of the candlelight.   
“ Goodbye,” gasped Rumpelstiltskin on a shaky breath just before waving his hand watching as her body disappeared from the dais to be encased and replaced with something else completely, something else that filled his heart even more with mourning and sorrow. Instead on the dais there now sat a coffin in which her body lay. He had conjured her coffin, a final resting place that was worthy of his lady of the dark castle, his queen. It was made of a dark black wood that shined in the light of the room and interlaced throughout the wood was threads of gold, the very gold he spun; he had done this so part of him would always be with her even in death. And as he stared at it his heart beating as he tried to hold back his sorrow suddenly he brought his hands to his face sobbing uncontrollably as his emotions all began to crush him from the inside. Finally he looked up from his hands and looked at the coffin taking a breath as he stepped towards it. Gently he placed his hands atop the coffin his breathing ragged as he stared down at it knowing she was inside.   
“Goodbye Belle; I love you. I miss you. Rest in peace sweetheart,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin standing there a moment before finally turning and walking away trying not to take a final look knowing if he did he would never be able to leave. It took all his strength to leave her alone in that room, in that coffin, but he knew he had to; his children needed him in that moment. And he knew if he didn’t leave he never would; he would stare at her coffin forever. His children needed him in that moment. He needed to prepare them for the moment that was swiftly approaching, the moment when they would lay their mother to rest and say their final goodbyes. As he entered the hallway outside his children’s bedroom he was greeted by the Hatter, Red the little wolf girl, the dwarves, and Granny, all of them stood scattered around the hallway tears in their eyes.   
“Rumpel,” said Jefferson as all their eyes settled on him making him uncomfortable as they stared at him.   
“I’m fine Hatter; I just need to see my children. How are the children?” whispered Rumpelstiltskin avoiding looking any of them in the eyes an awkward feeling stiffening the air. Except for Jefferson and Grace none of the people standing in the hallway had liked him until Belle came into his life. They were here for Belle and the children now not him; he knew that and he was grateful for that. Rumpelstiltskin was prepared to handle this on his own, and if he did need anything he had his children and the Hatter, and Grace. Other than Belle they were the only ones who ever really cared. He waited for an answer to his question, but it was like they didn’t have an answer for him. When Grace entered the hallway from one of the bedrooms she had tears in her eyes, and every eye turned in her direction. They all were looking to her for the answer to his question, he knew that immediately. Grace was crying silent tears that made her face red and stained; he locked eyes with her and they shared a moment of sorrow because he knew Belle and she had been extremely close. Rumpelstiltskin knew Belle had always thought of Grace as one of her own children and he knew Grace had loved her as if she had been her own mother. He knew she was feeling the same loss he and the children felt. Grace slowly approached him completely ignoring the others as she embraced him. Rumpelstiltskin hugged her in return hearing as he did as she started to cry fresh tears.  
“I’m so sorry Uncle Rum. I miss her so much Uncle Rum,” sobbed Grace feeling as he nodded in agreement with her, his own tears moving unchecked down his cheeks falling into her hair.   
“I know Grace and thank you for being here. We will all miss her. How are the children?” asked Rumpelstiltskin moving with her towards the door she had exited.   
“They won’t come out Uncle Rum. They are so scared, they just keep asking me what’s it going to be like without Aunt Belle, but I don’t have an answer Uncle Rum. I’m so sorry,” cried Grace. He nodded in understanding that was the question on all their minds, a question no one had an answer to. Rumpelstiltskin looked at Grace, she was like a daughter to him, he loved her like he did his own children, and as he kissed her golden head he hoped she knew that. Passing her crying, weeping form into the arms of her father; Rumpelstiltskin looked at the door before him breathing a sign as he prepared for the moment to come. Silently he opened the door without a sound and entered his nine year old daughter’s room. Helena was the oldest of his children and as he entered the room instantly he was encased in darkness. He remembered the day she was born, the day Belle told him he was going to be a father, so many memories flashed through his mind as he closed the door behind him as he entered the room.   
In that moment as he stood in the darkness of his daughter’s room he couldn’t explain it, but it felt right. The castle and everyone within it were mourning Belle and the lamenting darkness of the room didn’t feel wrong in that moment; it felt like it was what was right, to be in darkness now that Belle, his light was gone. As that thought went through his mind repeatedly Rumpelstiltskin searched for his daughter Helena in the darkness; it felt like his life was ending with the loss of his wife, he couldn’t imagine what his children were feeling at this very moment.   
“Helena,” breathed Rumpelstiltskin as his eyes landed on her as she laid on her bed; she was turned away from him and her body was curled into a ball her shoulders shaking with her silent tears. She didn’t hear a word he said, or at least she didn’t appear to, she remained where she was not moving a muscle. Rumpelstiltskin approached her and when he sat on the bed only then did she notice him. At first she still didn’t move, but then suddenly she sat up tears covering her face making her nearly unrecognizable. All was silent between them before Helena looked at him ,slowly letting him take her hand, and it was then she started to cry heart wrenching sobs that tore into his already broken heart. He quickly pulled her into his arms letting her bury her head in his chest kissing her head and stroking her curls as she cried. Rumpelstiltskin had told himself that he would be strong for his children and not cry when he saw them, but suddenly as he held his weeping child in his arms he felt his own tears move down his cheeks. And as his own tears fell he found he didn’t care, his children needed to know he was feeling the same sorrow, the same loss they felt, and deep down inside he knew Belle would have been proud of his strength in that moment.   
Still looking down at his daughter, Rumpel felt a glow inside as he gazed at her; she was as beautiful as her mother. She was a true beauty like his Belle had been; she was pure and good and very much like her mother, but she was also a little like him. And that was why he knew he would never forget Belle because their children would remind him of her for the rest of his life.   
“You are so much like her. You will be a beautiful woman just like your mother someday my pet,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking down at her as he moved her chestnut curls out of her face watching as she looked up at him; she was the spitting image of her mother all except for the chocolate brown eyes she had gotten from him. All was silent between them as father and daughter held each other’s gaze sharing in their sorrow. Rumpelstiltskin held her gaze never letting her break it as he wiped the tears from her face.   
“Helena it’s time to go lay your mama to rest. I know you don’t want to, I don’t want to either, but we have to. We have to lay her to rest, we have to put her at peace, and say our goodbyes,” said Rumpelstiltskin soothingly. She cried more as he spoke making him pull her closer in an attempt to comfort her more.   
As he spoke she shook her head in answer burying her head in his chest beginning to sob again.  
“No papa, I don’t want to say goodbye. I want mama back. I want mama back. If we say goodbye to mama it makes it all real, it means that this isn’t a dream, this isn’t a nightmare. It means she’s never coming back and we need her papa. We need her, what do we do without her?” exclaimed Helena raising her head from his chest to peer up at him. Looking at her papa she saw tears of loss and sorrow and deep understanding in his eyes; he was feeling the loss as much as she and he was thinking the same things she was and it was in that moment she understood just how much he had loved her mama. Helena always knew her parents loved each other more than life itself, but it was now as she saw her father cry for the first time in her life that she realized how much he loved her mama and how much her mama had loved him. Rumpelstiltskin breathed a shaky breath as his tears continued down his face the same thoughts in his mind as hers. He felt every word she had spoken because they were his feelings as much as hers. He had loved her mama, he would always love her, and he felt empty without her just like his children did. Part of him wanted to let them barricade themselves in their room and let them stay there as he buried Belle, but he knew if he did that they would regret not saying goodbye. Even though they didn’t want to, they needed to go down with all of them and put their mother at peace; they needed to say goodbye.   
“I don’t know either pet. Your mother was my everything; I don’t know what life will be like without her either. I do know life from now on will be filled with a lot less light and that we will all miss her forever. No one will ever be able to replace her; she was one of a kind. But you have to say goodbye, you have to leave this room with me and after I get your brother and sister we will go lay her to rest and put her at peace. You need to do this Helena, we all do because if we don’t we will regret it later on in life. We have to say goodbye,’’ whispered Rumpelstiltskin kissing her forehead as he dried her tears again. For a few seconds longer he held her and all was silent as they both prepared themselves both mentally and physically for the moment to come.   
Together they rose from the bed and with her still in his arms Rumpelstiltskin took her off into the hallway where everyone waited. No one said a word as they entered the hallway and closing the door behind them, he looked at each of them before letting his eyes settle on Jefferson and Grace. Moving his daughter forward he took her over to them and sharing a look with the Hatter, he silently asked him to look after her while he went for the rest of his children. When Helena was in their safe arms, he smiled at her, before moving down the hall to his eight year son Nicholas’s room. His son’s room was almost the same as his sister’s; it was nearly completely dark except for the low flicker of the candle that stood by the bed. Rumpelstiltskin was glad for that candle as he entered the room closing the door silently behind him, looking around he knew if the room had been completely dark like Helena’s had been he would have tripped. He knew this for sure when he saw his son lying motionless amongst the gloom on the floor. With a flick of his wrist more candles appeared all around lighting the room completely.   
“Nicholas, son are you alright. Why are you on the floor?” whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking down at his boy hoping he would stand, but he didn’t he remained unmoving. Nicholas didn’t answer him; he didn’t even acknowledge his presence in the room. He stared at the ceiling as if searching for something and as he gazed down at him, Rumpel saw tears slowly leaving his eyes roaming unchecked down his face. When he finally looked at him, Nicholas quickly wiped away his tears. Rumpel knew his boy was trying to be strong as he wiped those tears away in an attempt to hide them from him, he knew his son had been crying as much as everyone else because he had just lost his mother ,the most important person in his life. Kneeling down on the ground, Rumpelstiltskin took his son’s hand and made him stand, only then did he see that he was shaking like a leaf.   
“Son it’s ok to cry. We all are, your mother meant so much to us all; we all loved her more than anything. It’s ok to cry,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin making his son look at him and he could see he was holding it all inside.   
“Papa is this a terrible dream? Is this a nightmare? This can’t be real, can it? She can’t be gone. I need her, I love her papa. What do I do without her, I need her,” whispered Nicholas his eyes glued to the floor.   
“I wish it were son. I wish this was a nightmare that we could wake up from, but it’s not. Your mama is gone, but never forget as long as you keep her in your heart she is always with you. As long as you remember her she will live on in your memory. Never forget her son, always remember the good times we all had together, and always remember how much she loved you. And she did Nicholas, she loved you, she loved all of us so much and she never ever let us think otherwise. We are going to go say goodbye to her and remember her for who she was. Your mama may be gone, but remember she will never be truly gone if we think of her and remember her every day,’’ whispered Rumpelstiltskin letting his own tears move down his cheeks hoping if he didn’t hold back that his son would also know in that moment that it was ok to cry. As he spoke Nicholas looked up at him and it was then Rumpel saw him let go and let his tears fall. His son simply raised his head from the floor not saying a word as his tears fell only looking up at him. His tears moved down his cheeks slowly at first, but soon they were pouring down his face, and slowly he wrapped his arms around Rumpel’s waist crying openly feeling as his father held him close.   
“I don’t know what to do papa, I want to be strong for Helena and Annabelle, but I can’t. I miss her; I miss her so much. And it hurts so much that she’s gone, it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to stop hurting. It feels like everything is falling apart; nothing is the same without her. I loved her papa so much and now without her everything is different, the castle is dark and scary; the world is dark and scary without her. I miss her, I miss her, and I miss her. I just want her back papa, I want mama back,” cried Nicholas feeling as his father’s arms tightened around him as he kissed his head crying with him nodding in agreement to his words. Rumpel held his son close as he cried his heart out, part of him feeling proud of him for wanting to be strong for his sisters. That couldn’t help, but make him think of Belle; their son was strong just like her, just like his mother.  
” I know son, believe me I know. I feel what you feel. I miss her too son. I feel the same hurt you do knowing that she’s not coming back, I want her back too. We all do, we all miss her. She meant the world to us; she was my world, my everything. She was my best friend, my wife, my great love, your mother, and my true love; like you I am trying to figure out what to do now that she’s gone. I feel lost without her too. The world will be different for all of us now that she’s gone, but we must go on for her. She would want us to continue to live our lives and find a way to be happy. But like you, I don’t know how to do that right now. I loved her; I loved her so much my heart has died with her. I miss her so much,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin both their bodies shaking as they cried together. Slowly father and son pulled away tears in their eyes as they looked at each other. Rumpelstiltskin held Nicholas by the shoulders as he gazed down at him thinking again how he would never forget Belle because his children would forever remind him of her; his son like his daughter before him was just like his mother.   
He was just like his mother; he had Belles chestnut hair and her facial features, but his brown eyes, but he also had so much more than that, he had his mother’s strength. And that’s how they stood as the seconds ticked by simply staring at each other tears covering both their faces until suddenly his son broke his gaze and stared up at the ceiling once more causing his father to do the same. Rumpelstiltskin didn’t know what he was looking at.   
“I keep hoping to see her up there looking down on me papa. Do you think she’s up there in heaven watching us, do you think she’s still looking after us, like she always has?” asked Nicholas looking at him finally. Rumpelstiltskin looked at the ceiling differently with those words, and in that moment he wanted to see her looking down on them too. And with that in mind he looked down at his son seeing his beautiful Belle’s face in his mind as their eyes met. For the first time since the loss of his love Rumpelstiltskin smiled a tiny smile understanding why his son stared at the ceiling because from now on, he would look up at the ceiling and see it completely different now.   
“Yes I think she’s up there watching us. She always did look after us and I hope she’s up there in heaven keeping us safe. She will be our guardian angel,” exclaimed Rumpel looking at the ceiling as he spoke. He couldn’t explain it, but it was one of those moments when he could feel her. He felt her at his side, he wanted to turn and find her there, but he knew if he did she wouldn’t be there. In a way it was like he could feel her smiling down on him, he could feel her sending her love to him, to all of them from her place in heaven.   
“Good, that makes me feel better. In a way that means she’s still with is then,” whispered Nicholas as Rumpelstiltskin moved with him out of the room.   
“Stay with Grace and your sister while I go get Annabelle,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin as they entered the hall watching as Helena and Grace ran up to him embracing the boy with tears streaming down their faces. Rumpelstiltskin moved down the hallway again breathing a sign as he stood outside his five year old daughter Annabelle’s room; he had been dreading going into this room most of all because his youngest wouldn’t understand what was happening the way her older siblings did. Finally he entered her room finding it to be the complete opposite of the other two rooms. This room held no darkness and no silence. It was filled with light and immediately as he entered the room he heard the strangled sobs of his little girl. Five year old Annabelle sat by her window glowing as she sat in the moonlight that drifted through it. She was curled into a ball and he could see her little frame shaking so badly it scared him as he approached her ,the sound of her tears the only thing he could hear. Before he reached her though, she spotted him as he was crossing the room, and she crossed the distance between them jumping into his arms and clinging to him for dear life. Her grip on him was nearly choking as she wrapped her little arms around his neck, her tears staining the fabric of his already tear stained shirt.   
“Papa,” cried Annabelle as she clung to him as he held her in his arms crying into his neck. At first he didn’t know what to say to her, her siblings knew what was happening, they in their own way understood it, but she didn’t. The only thing his little daughter knew was that one minute her mama was here and now she was gone, but she didn’t understand why. As he wracked his brain searching for the words to say to her, he moved over to the window where she had previously sat rocking her back and forth as she cried. In the end, he couldn’t think of anything to say to her to explain what was happening, so he didn’t say anything; he just looked down at her, and waited thinking of Belle as he did. Annabelle was the complete opposite of her siblings, not only did she look nothing like him, she was nothing like him; she held a light inside her to match her mother’s. She was all Belle. From her chestnut curls, to the sweet features of her face, to the ocean blue of her eyes, to the light that resided in her heart; she was her mother completely, she was just like his Belle. He sat with her in his lap, letting her cry, holding back his tears this time; he needed to be strong for his little one. As he slowly stroked her chestnut curls, Rumpelstiltskin waited for her sobs to die down and turn to sniffles.  
When they finally did Annabelle looked up at him with those twin pools of blue she inherited from her mother, but they were still filled with tears.   
“Papa do we have to go out there?” sniffled Annabelle.   
“Yes, love, we do; we have to say goodbye to your mama,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin.   
“Will we ever see her again?” whispered Annabelle looking up at him with hope in her eyes.   
“Yes, someday, but not for a long time,” gasped Rumpelstiltskin wanting to lie to her for his own sake, but finding he couldn’t.  
Rumpelstiltskin knew one day he would have to bury his children just like he would bury his wife today. They weren’t immortal like he was; only now did the reality of that come crashing down on him. He would live forever, but they wouldn’t. And as he held his little Annabelle, Rumpelstiltskin silently vowed to keep his promise to Belle; he wouldn’t kill himself with his dagger until the day came when he had nothing left to live for. When the day came when he lost his children to death like he did his Belle.   
Kissing his little daughters forehead, Rumpelstiltskin stood up with her in his arms carrying her out of the room. They all stood in the hall together in silence; Helena and Nicholas came to stand at his side. Finally they all moved down the hall and down the stairs in a mourning procession stopping when they reached the entrance to the great hall. As they moved inside, suddenly Rumpel snapped his fingers and everyone including himself had a fresh cut rose from the garden in their hands. They stared at the coffin with tears in their eyes until finally Jefferson and the dwarves stepped forward moving around the coffin to carry it to her final resting place.   
Belle would be buried in the grassy meadow just beyond her rose garden beneath the old oak tree she once loved. Grace joined his children at his side and with Granny and Red trailing behind them; they followed the coffin and its carriers outside into the beauty of the garden. It was a beauty that would hold his beauty, his Belle for the rest of forever. Slowly Jefferson and the dwarves lowered the coffin into the freshly dug grave, and then they all stood around it in silence. Finally, Red stepped forward rose in hand.   
“Goodbye Belle, thank you so much for always being such a good friend to me. I will miss you, but I’ll never forget you. I’ll always remember the good times we had, and all the times you made me smile. You could always make me smile no matter how bad things seemed. Rest in peace my friend,” cried Red laying the rose inside the grave atop her coffin. As she walked away, Rumpelstiltskin looked her in the eyes nodding his thanks; she had been a great help through everything. Granny followed after her granddaughter and the dwarves followed after her. Soon only Rumpel, Jefferson, Grace, and the children stood around Belle’s grave. Jefferson moved forward next with Grace at his side. He dropped his rose into the grave without a word; Rumpelstiltskin knew this was because he had already said all he needed to.  
Grace peered into the grave tears moving down her cheeks, and slowly the rose slipped from her fingers into the grave.   
“Goodbye Aunt Belle, I love you, and I’ll miss you,” cried Grace quickly turning and burying her head in her father’s chest. Jefferson slowly led her away back towards the castle leaving Rumpel and his children alone to say goodbye. Rumpelstiltskin led his children closer to the grave so they could say goodbye.   
“What do we say papa?” asked Helena as she stared at the grave and the coffin that held her mother.   
“Say anything you want then drop the rose into the grave atop the coffin,” answered Rumpel bringing a hand to stroke her head. All was silent for a little while longer until Nicholas stepped forward. He stared down at the coffin that held his mother, tears rolling down his cheeks. Bringing the rose to his lips, Nicholas kissed it, before dropping it into the grave. When Rumpel saw this, he knew his son was giving his mother a goodbye kiss.   
“Goodbye mama, be safe in heaven. I love you and I’ll miss you. I know you’ll be watching over us like papa said, and I’m going to make you proud. I promise, I will make you proud,” whispered Nicholas before returning to Rumpel’s side. Rumpelstiltskin patted his son on the back as he cried into his side; as he did so Helena moved to the place where her brother had stood. Like her brother, she kissed her rose giving her mother a final kiss before letting it fall into the grave.   
“Mama, I don’t know what the world’s going to be like without you. I’m going to miss you, but I’m going to be a good daughter and make you proud. I’ll never forget you ever and I’ll take care of papa and Nicholas and Annabelle like I know you’d want me to I promise. I love you, I love you, I love you so much mama. Goodbye,” cried Helena. She didn’t return to stand with the rest of the family; Helena moved past to stand just behind them, and Nicholas moved quickly to join her.   
Rumpelstiltskin looked at his youngest daughter before setting her on the ground and taking her little hand in his, he moved with her towards the grave. Kneeling by her side, he wiped away her tears, but more came.   
“Sweetheart I want you to give mama the rose and then say anything you want, I want you to say goodbye,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin. Annabelle only cried more looking at him then into the grave at the coffin. Finally she dropped the rose to rest atop the coffin before looking between him and it and back again over and over as if trying to make sense of what was happening. Then finally she started to speak.   
“Goodbye mama, I love you,” sobbed Annabelle and letting go of his hand, she brought it to her lips kissing it before silently blowing her mama a kiss before turning to him once more. Rumpelstiltskin gathered her up into his arms and rose to his feet once more carrying her to where her siblings waited. Setting her down to stand with Helena and Nicholas, he looked at them before looking at the grave then at the rose he held in one hand. It was Helena that made him move back towards the grave.   
“Go papa. You have to say your goodbyes too,” exclaimed Helena looking up at him understandingly.   
Rumpel looked down at his children, leaning down; he kissed each of their foreheads before turning, and moving back to the grave that held his Belle. Looking down into the grave, Rumpelstiltskin closed his eyes suddenly seeing her face. Belle was his everything, the love of his life, the mother of his children, his beautiful wife, and he ached inside at her loss, he would for eternity.   
“I love you Belle. That deal I made, the deal that brought you into my life, into my heart was the best deal I ever made. Before you I was only the Dark one, but you made me a man again. I will always love you, I miss you. I will forever miss having you by my side. I will miss you forever; I will love you forever. Goodbye my love,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin opening his eyes, letting them move to stare at the rose in his hand. Slowly he brought the rose to his lips like his children had done and he kissed it, then looking at it still he watched as it fell from his fingers into the grave atop the coffin.   
He gazed down at the coffin for another few seconds before bringing his hand to his lips next. Tears began to rain down his cheeks as he blew his one true love one last kiss before breathing a ragged breath. Turning around, he moved to join his children and with one movement he filled in the grave, each of them crying as he did so. Rumpelstiltskin lets his tears blind him; waving his hand again a tombstone appeared just beyond the mound of earth that marked her grave. It was a marble tombstone as white and pure as the beauty it represented.   
The tombstone simply read: Belle, the lady of the dark castle, a loving exquisitely kind lady, wife, mother, and friend. She will live on in our memory, hearts, and souls forever. After a few seconds, Rumpelstiltskin led his children back towards the castle, and all was silent. Rumpel and Jefferson stayed with Grace and the children until they fell asleep, then they moved into the darkness of the great hall. They sat in silence, both of them taking comfort in the burn of the whiskey as it went down their throats.  
“Rumpel,” breathed Jefferson making him look at him from his place at the head of the long table. Jefferson downed the rest of his drink before rising.   
“Here, I thought you might want these. I’m going to bed,” whispered Jefferson before silently leaving the room. Rumpelstiltskin looked at what the Hatter had put in his hand; they were Belle’s wedding rings. The one with the diamonds and rubies encircling the gold band; he had given her that when he asked her to marry him. Then there was the simple gold band he had made from his gold; he had given her that on their wedding day. Looking down at those rings, memories flooded his mind bringing tears to his already tear swollen eyes. Suddenly he made a long gold chain appear made from his own gold and unfastening the clasp, he put the rings to hang on the chain. Moving the chain around his neck, he closed the clasp, closing his eyes as he held the rings around the chain in his hand.   
“I love you Belle,” whispered Rumpel tears cascading down his face.


	4. The Truth of Rumple's Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumple mourns and remembers.

For what seemed like the zillionth time, Jefferson found himself climbing the stairs that led to Rumpelstiltskin’s tower. Once again he was holed up there working endlessly on something and it worried the Hatter; his friend was barely living anymore if anything he was going through the motions of life. During the day, he was with the children keeping them happy though that was hard nowadays; they had been silent and in a misery since their mother died. And at night, he stayed in his tower working sometimes for days at a time. That’s what caused Jefferson to worry so much for his friend; it just wasn’t healthy for him to live like this. Rumpelstiltskin didn’t sleep, he barely ate, and he didn’t even leave the castle for his deals anymore. Jefferson had lost count of the many times he had climbed these stairs to come convince him to sleep and to eat in the two weeks since Belle’s passing. It usually took convincing, but if Rumple was tired enough, or hungry enough he would listen, but more often than naught Jefferson left with the threat of being turned into a snail.   
“Go away Hatter,” snapped Rumpelstiltskin not looking up from his work as Jefferson stood in the tower doorway and looking at him Jefferson frowned when he saw he was working on the curse.   
“Rumple you’ve been up here long enough. It’s time for you to sleep,” said Jefferson as he entered the room.  
“Go away Hatter, “repeated Rumpelstiltskin still not looking at him as he continued to mold his curse.   
“Rumpelstiltskin I am not leaving this time. You haven’t slept in three days,” snapped Jefferson coming to stand across from the imp at his worktable. At first things remained the same and part of him was waiting for the usual snails threat, but this time he didn’t say that. Slowly his quill was lowered and then he just sat there not looking at him as silence filled the room. Rumpelstiltskin signed as he finally looked up at the Hatter. He really didn’t want to sleep; he had to work on his curse, it was almost done.  
“I am fine Hatter. I will sleep when I’m finished and you and I both know I don’t need as much sleep as a normal man so I’ll be fine. The curse is almost finished; I can’t quit not now. Not when I’m this close to finally being done,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin looking at the Hatter as he yawned midsentence. After he finished speaking he stretched his weary limps and ran a hand over his tired eyes before beginning to work again.   
Jefferson signed too, he had hoped maybe he would give up on his curse now, but he wasn’t. Sitting down across from him, Jefferson looked at him until finally he must have felt his eyes on him because he looked up at him.   
“Do I have to threaten you with snails to make you leave me alone Hatter?” asked Rumpelstiltskin looking at him beseechingly. Jefferson didn’t say anything in response and for once he didn’t leave with that threat he only continued to stare at him. He could see him, he could understand him, and he knew all of this was about more than just work. Rumple didn’t want to sleep and he knew why; he understood why. He could remember when Grace’s mother died, he didn’t want to sleep for a long time, and it took him a long time to learn to live again. But that wasn’t the question on his mind.  
“You’re not really going to still let Regina cast your curse, are you? Regina is nuts only god knows what she would do to all of us,” whispered Jefferson and he didn’t like the look Rumple gave him in response.   
“I have to Hatter, she’s the only one who can, and why not have the curse cast now I’m so close. I’m so close to finding Bae after centuries it’s really going to happen,” smiled Rumpelstiltskin and Jefferson smiled too that was the first smile he had seen on his friends face since Belle had died.   
“What about you’re other children Rumple? What will happen to them when this curse is cast? Regina could hurt them now that Belle won’t be here to protect them. You told Belle and me once that when the curse is cast you won’t be able to be with your family because they would be in danger. Belle would have protected them, but who will do that now?” exclaimed Jefferson looking into the imps eyes with concern. All was silent between them once more and he knew it wasn’t just because of the questions he had asked; it was because of the painful reminder that came with them. The Hatter felt guilty for that painful reminder, but he knew those questions had to be asked especially now that Belle wasn’t here to ask them herself. And at the thought of his friend, Jefferson felt the same pain; he missed his friend. He knew the imp missed his wife; he could see it in everything he did now.   
“I have considered everything Hatter. What I told you is still the truth it’s not safe to be with me in this other land. That is why I’ve decided to leave them with you; it will be your responsibility to protect them. Other than…Belle you’re the only one I trust to protect them,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin leveling his friend with a stern serious gaze. Rumpelstiltskin knew that if Belle were here this man was the only one she would ever trust with her children. And he found he felt the same; Jefferson had been a good friend to him. He had been here with him and the children since his beloved’s death and he was very grateful for that.   
“I am honored that you trust me enough to give me this responsibility. I will protect them with my very life,” promised Jefferson looking at him and Rumpelstiltskin had no doubt that he was sincere. The two men stared at each other in silence until finally Jefferson extended his hand meaning to seal his promise to his friend as the imp took his hand shaking it.   
“I’m not leaving this tower without you. You need to sleep and Belle would skin me alive if I left you this time,” whispered Jefferson breaking the silence afterward as he stood giving his friend a pleading look as he spoke.   
“Please Rumple you must sleep. Think about what Belle would want. If she were here she would make you sleep,” continued Jefferson part of him felt bad for bringing up Belle, but he knew he spoke the truth. Rumpelstiltskin signed again closing his eyes, but opening them just as quickly when he saw her face. His sweet Belle; he missed her so much.   
“I don’t want to sleep; I don’t want to close my eyes. I see her, my Belle eveytime. I miss her, I love her, and I just want the pain of losing her to end. I don’t think it will ever end,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin moving his hand to the golden chain around his neck where her wedding rings lay. They were always with him. Jefferson could remember when he had been in the same pain as he watched the imp move away from his worktable falling onto the couch he kept in the tower. His head fell into his hands and he cried for the millionth time since she had been taken from him. And looking at him, Jefferson knew it would get better, but not for a long time. Jefferson moved to his side and he wrapped an arm around the imp’s shoulders patting him tenderly on the back in an attempt to console him. Rumpelstiltskin looked at him in that moment with tears of sorrow covering his face. It had been two weeks since it all happened, since his life, his love was taken from him, and yet it still felt like it was only yesterday.   
“Will it ever end Hatter? Will this pain I feel ever end? I miss her more than anything and all I want is to wake up and find it all a dream. And the worst part is I can’t think of her without feeling it; without feeling the pain. Hatter will it end? I want to think of her without feeling this pain,” explained Rumpelstiltskin continuing to cry as he bared his soul to the Hatter. Leaning back against the couch he looked at him searching for an answer. Jefferson leaned back on the couch with him as he tried to find an answer to his friend’s question.   
“It gets easier, but it never really goes away. When my wife died, I saw her face in my dreams whenever I closed my eyes I saw her, but it got easier. The key to it all is keeping that love in your heart; keeping the love you shared in your heart. And never forget, always remember, and cherish those moments. It may hurt now, but in time your memories; the moments you two had together it will help you breath on the worst of days. And the children they will make it easier too. For you, they will help you keep Belle’s memory alive so you will never forget her. That will make the pain end so that your thoughts of her will bring you joy. So no it won’t always be this painful; only now in the beginning. You have to give it time,” whispered Jefferson looking into the red of Rumple’s eyes. Rumpelstiltskin sat there in silence with his friend and considered everything he had said. He thought he could live with that if things happened the way he said; Jefferson knew what he was feeling so he had to know what he was talking about so it would happen like he said, right? His friend’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder brought him from his thoughts.   
“Now sleep,” said Jefferson giving him a pointed look when he finally looked at him.   
“Alright Hatter I’ll sleep,” signed Rumpelstiltskin standing with the Hatter making the room go dark with a snap of his fingers.   
“Thank you Hatter,” said Rumpelstiltskin moving down the stairs and then down the hallway watching as Jefferson nodded.   
Arriving at the Hatter’s room, the two friends parted ways. Rumpelstiltskin moved down the hall to his own chambers, it felt so strange being there without her, and that thought was running through his mind as he entered the room closing the door with an eerily silent click. He stood there staring at the emptiness as a fire roared to life. Finally, he lay in the bed with a sign as he suddenly turned to stare at the spot where she used to sleep by his side.   
“I miss you Belle,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin as he pulled her pillow into his arms breathing in her scent that still clung to it. As he closed his eyes waiting for sleep to claim him and run him down into the abyss he swore he could feel her there with him, but he didn’t dare open his eyes. He knew if he did she wouldn’t be there and as sleep finally claimed him her face filled his mind. 

 

10 years earlier- a month after the events in chapter 1.

Rumpelstiltskin was in his tower and for once he could actually call his life happy. In fact he couldn’t remember ever being this happy in his time as the Dark One. And it was all because of his beauty, his Belle.   
“Belle,” thought Rumpelstiltskin stopping his work for just a second to think of her. A month had passed since she had returned to him, a month had passed since they had made love and she had become his, and looking at the B inscribed on his wrist he smiled. He loved her more than he could ever remember loving anyone other than his son. Belle took good care of him and as he thought of his son starting to work again her face still filled his mind. She continued to clean though he told her she didn’t need to, and he couldn’t help, but think that she took better care of him then his first wife ever had. Then he stopped. Belle wasn’t his wife and he had said long ago he would never marry again, but here he was thinking of her as such. As his thoughts ran wild with this revelation a knock sounded at his tower door. The door opened shortly after and there she was the object of his thoughts; his Belle. She looked beautiful standing there in the doorway and it was like she was conjured from his very thoughts. God how he loved her.   
“Hello my love. Come here,” purred Rumpelstiltskin standing and moving towards her. She moved towards him across the room and as he watched her do so he couldn’t help, but think that he was a lucky man to have this woman, this beauty in his life. When she was finally within reach he took hold of her waist pulling her against his chest. Her arms circled around his shoulders and with a gasp he kissed her with an intensity he reserved only for her, his one true love, his Belle. He loved kissing her lips, he loved having her in his arms, and he just loved her more than anything.   
She smiled against his lips as she returned the kiss running her fingers through his hair. Without hesitation he sat down on the couch with her pulling her to sit in his lap breaking the kiss for only a second before continuing it with a heat that lit a fire in them both.   
“What brings you up here to see me my love,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin moving his lips to caress the skin of her neck.   
“I came to tell you dinner is ready and I was curious as to what you do when you’re up here. I’ve hardly seen you today,” smiled Belle taking his hand as she spoke before gently kissing him. Her words made him pause, he loved this woman; did that mean he should tell her of his curse?   
Belle watched him as he was thinking this, she knew whatever he did up here was serious, and though it hurt he didn’t trust her enough to tell her she hoped someday he would. She saw he was clearly lost in his thoughts and she knew only one way to bring him back to her. Belle tenderly kissed his lips feeling as he returned it almost immediately bringing him out of his thoughts to her and the here and now. Instinctively he pulled her closer kissing her with a passion he couldn’t remember having with his former wife. But nothing about his relationship with this woman was anything like what he had with Milah. Milah and he had never had anything close to what Belle and he had. He loved this woman.   
“Rumple it’s alright you don’t have to tell me anything. I only want you to know that you can; that you can trust me. Never forget that, now please come down to dinner I’m sure you’re hungry,” smiled Belle gently stroking his cheek as they stared into each other’s eyes. She pecked him one final time on the lips before standing in front of him. Rumpelstiltskin stood with her looking at her a minute before letting her lead him from the room. Together they descended down the stairs from his tower going to the great hall where she had dinner waiting. And as they sat down to dinner she could tell from the look on his face that he was thinking hard about something. Silence surrounded them as they ate, but neither of them commented on it especially Belle. She had a feeling he needed to think hard about something and she could only wonder what was so important that it occupied his thoughts so. She didn’t know that he was thinking about everything she had said before in the tower. He didn’t trust anyone, but he wanted to trust her. She loved him, if anyone deserved his trust it was her, but the thought of trusting anyone was still hard on him. Trusting her would mean telling her everything; it would mean telling her about Bae, about everything he had done, and about the curse. And once he did, she would run screaming from him.   
As that thought went through his mind, he looked at her, and he memorized every inch of her. He loved her; he didn’t want to lose her. Belle felt his eyes on her and when she turned her head to look at him the look in his eyes alarmed her. They looked so sad. Why would he look at her with such sadness in his eyes?   
“Rumple what is wrong. Why do you look at me with such sadness,” whispered Belle reached to take his hand squeezing it as she looked at him searching for the source of his distress. He didn’t say anything at first, he only continued to look at her with that look in his eyes, but then he motioned her forward signing when she came to sit in his lap taking his face in her hands.   
“Rumple please tell me what’s wrong. Don’t close yourself off to me. Tell me what you’re thinking; tell me what you’re feeling,” exclaimed Belle making him look into her eyes watching as he focused solely on her and her words. Her words only made him love her more and they made up his mind he would tell her everything even of his fears.   
“Earlier in the tower you asked what I was working on. You said I could trust you, part of me knows I can, but it’s hard for me to trust Belle. I want to trust you, but I haven’t trusted anyone since my son. I really want to trust you; I have decided to tell you my story. To trust you with the truth. When I do though I know what will happen; you will leave me forever. You will run screaming from me because you will realize what a monster I truly am. But you deserve the truth so I will tell it to you even if I lose you because of it,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin refusing to look at her as he finished speaking. Belle looked at him in silence afterward gently stroking his cheeks with her thumbs as she held his face in her hands again in an attempt to get him to meet her gaze, but he wouldn’t. And when he finally did, he didn’t expect to see the love she had in her eyes, or the feel of her lips tenderly kissing the skin of his face. Continuing to look at him, she suddenly kissed him feeling as he returned it as if it would be their last, and she knew this was because he thought it would be.   
“I love you Rumpelstiltskin. Tell me your story and I promise you I won’t run from you. I will stand by your side forever,” whispered Belle looking into his amber orbs hoping he saw she meant every word.   
“You can’t promise that my Belle; you don’t know the things I’ve done. You don’t know, but when you do you will finally see the monster in me,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin letting her hands fall to his shoulders as he looked away from her again.   
Belle stared at him as she slowly moved her hands to the sides of his neck.   
“Rumple look at me please,” whispered Belle an idea forming in her head as she did. In her mind it was the only way to prove to him nothing he did would ever make her leave. She loved him; she would never leave him.   
“Let’s make a deal. A deal binding me to you by magic so that you can stop worrying about me leaving because Rumpelstiltskin I promise you I will never willingly leave you. If you need a deal to prove that, if a deal will give you peace of mind then that’s a deal I am more than willing to make,” exclaimed Belle. Her words made him look at her again instantly and before she was even finished he was shaking his head. The Dark One inside him was careening to make whatever deal she had in mind, but the spinner would not. He didn’t want her bound to him by magic; he wanted her to be bound to him as his equal. Again the idea of her being his wife entered his mind, but he pushed it aside. She would not want to be his lover let alone his wife when she discovered what a fiend he truly was.   
“No Belle. No deals, no deals not with you. I don’t want you bound to me by magic. I don’t want you bound to me like that,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin silently wishing in that moment that he could make her his wife, but he would not force her to be with him. And he knew after he revealed all to her she would no longer want him anywhere near her.   
In that moment, he kissed her tenderly on the lips drawing her into his warm embrace.   
“Who would have thought the great Rumpelstiltskin would ever turn down a deal,” smiled Belle as the kiss ended. Sitting there with her for a moment longer, he prepared to tell her a story he had never told anyone before.   
“I wasn’t always the Dark One. Centuries ago, I was only a lowly spinner with a wife, but that all changed when I was drafted into the first of the Ogre wars. I had no choice, but to leave my wife Milah and go to war. Months passed and I was trained and sent to the front, but before I could actually fight in battle I was charged to guard a prisoner. This prisoner was a seer. She told me things, things that in the beginning I didn’t believe, but in the end I discovered everything she spoke of was the truth. She told me Milah was with child, she told me my actions on the battlefield would leave my son fatherless. When I learned she spoke the truth, I tried to find her again, but she was gone. I couldn’t leave my son, Belle. I couldn’t leave him fatherless; I did the only thing I could do. I injured myself so I couldn’t fight, so they would send me home. When I arrived home Milah had already had our son, she named him Baelfire. But she and everybody else in our village branded me a coward; she said they would have been better off if I had died in battle. In the end, she ended up leaving me. She left me for a worthless pirate, but after I became the Dark One I saw her again. I ripped her heart out and crushed it in my hand; the pirate has it out for me for killing her and cutting off his hand replacing it with a hook. After she left though, I raised Bae on my own, but soon the Ogre wars were knocking at our door again. The Duke of the Front lands called for all able bodied men; men went to battle and they died. The age restriction kept getting lower and lower until it was lowered to fourteen. When that happened, my boy was to be fourteen in three days’ time. I knew when that day came they would come and take him from me. I had to protect him so we tried to run, but some soldiers found us. Their leader told Bae what I had done all those years ago, he revealed to him what a coward I was, and he made me kneel and kiss his boot. After they left that night my son and I met an old beggar. This man spun me a tale, a tale of a dagger that could control the Dark One, he told me the Duke possessed it, and if I could take it from him I could save my son. I could control the Dark One and if I killed him I would gain his powers. So that’s what I did, I burned the castle, I took the dagger, and I summoned the Dark One. When he appeared before me, he said things, things he knew would rile me, and before I knew what I had done I had stabbed him. It was then I discovered that the beggar had been the Dark One the entire time. What he told me was true, I gained his powers, and in the beginning I used them for good. I saved my son; I saved all the children, and ended the wars. But my curse started to turn me dark. Bae didn’t like what I was becoming, he didn’t like the things I was doing, and he was determined to find a way to break my curse. I made a deal with him that if he could find a way to break my curse I would let him; it was a deal I broke in the end. It’s the only deal I’ve ever broken in my life. The blue fairy gave him a magic bean to take us to a world without magic, but when the time came to use it I got scared. Part of me was scared, part of me didn’t want to lose my power, so as we were hanging there over the portal I let Bae go, and he went to this world without magic. I lost my son, so now I have to get him back. I have to find him and there’s only one way. I am creating a curse, a dark curse that will rip us away from this land; it will destroy this land, and take everyone to a world without magic. It’s the only way, Belle. I must find my son,” explained Rumpelstiltskin looking at her as he finished telling her his story.   
Afterward he watched her waiting for the reaction he knew was inevitable. She sat there in his lap still staring at him her mind continuing to process everything he had just told her. Belle found herself in awe, but also so grateful he had decided to trust her enough to tell her the truth of his tale. She saw him watching her, she knew what he was waiting for; he was waiting for her to jump out of his arms and run as far as possible. But she wasn’t going to do that. They sat there in silence both of them waiting, one for her to run, and one for him to realize she would never run from him.   
“Why are you just sitting there? You should be running from me; why aren’t you running?” asked Rumpelstiltskin moving to take her hand as he looked at her with a confused expression.   
“Because I love you Rumpelstiltskin. I love you so very much. Your past, the misdeeds you’ve done in your quest to find your son none of it matters to me. If I were a parent, I’d go to the ends of the earth for my child; I’d do anything to protect my child just like you did. And if I lost my son I’d rip the world apart like you are to find him, to be reunited with him. What you’re doing may not be good, but your reasons for doing them are. That and nothing could ever make me stop loving you Rumple; I love you,” exclaimed Belle taking his face in her hands once more and gently kissing his lips. He continued to look at her with confusion at first, but then suddenly he returned her kiss holding her face in his hands as he did the same. After their lips parted he continued to just stare at her for a moment before holding her close. Kissing her again, Rumpelstiltskin couldn’t believe how lucky he was, he was the luckiest man in the realm to have this woman for his lover, and then the idea of her being more entered his mind. She was his true love, he loved her, and he knew as he looked at her that he wanted her to be his wife. He only needed the courage to ask her now and then he also remembered he needed a ring.   
Looking at her still, he kissed her one final time the idea of her being his wife fueling him, and pulling back he smiled at her. He would make her his equal, his wife. With that in mind, he suddenly popped out of sight in a puff of purple smoke leaving her sitting there alone in the great hall.   
“Rumpelstiltskin,” called Belle looking around with a sign. An hour, or so later Belle had cleared the table, done the dishes, and was wiping off the long table when he appeared again.   
Belle smiled as she felt him behind her wrapping his arms around her without hesitation. Rumpelstiltskin grinned wickedly against the skin of her throat as he kissed it making her lean back into his chest a moan escaping her lips; it was like music to his ears.   
“Did you miss me, my beauty?” smiled Rumpelstiltskin turning her quickly so she was facing him.   
“Yes I did very much. Are you alright you popped out so suddenly I was worried,” whispered Belle wrapping her arms around his neck kissing him as she did.   
“I’m fine I had something I had to do,” breathed Rumpelstiltskin feeling as his nerves returned as he prepared to ask her the question every man wanted to ask the woman he loved.   
“What was that?” whispered Belle looking up at him giving him her ever curious gaze. But he ignored her question deciding not to answer her, but to instead show her. He kissed her in that moment lifting her onto the table before finally pulling back breathing a sign as he prepared to make her his forever.   
“I love you Belle,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin nervously taking her hands in his as he came to stand between her legs. Belle kissed him like she never had before in that moment, she kissed with so much passion and heat that he couldn’t help, but pull her close. When their lips parted his heart was pounding from within his chest as he looked at her again; he was still so nervous about what he was about to do.   
“Belle, I need to ask you something. It’s very important,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin breathing heavy as he tried to remain calm. She smiled at him leaning into his touch when he cupped her cheek in his hand; she had an idea what he wanted to talk to her about. She thought he was going to ask her to make that deal after all and she didn’t mind at all. She would gladly bind herself to him in any way if that’s what he wanted.   
“Do you want to make that deal with me after all because if so the answer is yes? Rumple I will gladly make any deal you want; I will gladly bind myself to you in magic just as long as you know that we don’t need it that I will never leave you. That I will always love you,” whispered Belle kissing his palm as he continue to stroke her cheek. Rumpelstiltskin smiled at her gently kissing her lips as he shook his head. Her words gave him more confidence, if she would bind herself to him in magic; did that mean she would marry him and bind herself to him in that way too? Rumpelstiltskin smiled at her then as he took both her hands in his kissing them sweetly. Amber looked into blue in that moment as he gathered all his courage. He had once said he would never ask a woman this question ever again, but that was different. He knew it was different; she was different. This woman, this beauty was his true love; she loved him and he loved her. She was the only woman he ever should have asked this question, but he would make up for that now. As he thought all of this, Belle continued to stare at him waiting for an answer.   
“Actually I’m not interested in a deal. I have a proposal to make,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin.


	5. A Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumple asks Belle a very important question.

“Actually I’m not interested in a deal. I have a proposal to make,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin. Belle still sat in front of him, to her his meaning was unclear, but then she looked down at his hands. When she saw that he held a ring in-between his fingers her heart skipped a beat, was he really doing what she thought he was doing; was Rumpelstiltskin her dark one proposing to her? And looking at him again she waited for him to continue.   
“Belle…I,” began Rumpelstiltskin stopping to catch his breath, he was so nervous in that moment. He could hear his heart pounding like a war drum in his ears and breathing still he looked into her eyes finding the courage in their blue depths to continue.   
“Rumple?” breathed Belle looking up into his eyes now seeing they were filled with not only his love, but his nerves. He stood there then ring in hand unable to look away from her as he gripped her hand in his letting his thumb gently stroke her wrist.   
Bringing that same hand to his lips, he kissed it reverently his nerves leaving him then, but not completely as he let his lips find the R embroidered into her skin. He kissed it too before looking at her, she was his now, she would always be his, and this, what he was doing now would only prove that. If she said yes and he was confident she would; he hoped she would. And pulling her closer to him he looked into the deep pools of her eyes as he prepared to ask her, his true love to marry him, and be his forever.   
“Belle…I love you…so much. I love you…I’ll always love you, until the end of my life, until the end of time I will love you. Now, right now, you are my true love, my lover, but I want you to be mine. I want the whole world to know you’re mine; I want you to be my wife. I want to wake up and find you next to me for the rest of my life, I wish never to be parted from you, and that is why dearest I am here now before you asking you to share your life with me. Belle…will you marry me…please,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking into her eyes with hope in his own. She didn’t say a word then she only stared at him a few tears leaving her eyes. She just couldn’t believe this was happening, when she woke up that morning she never thought this would happen, and she had known she would be with him forever, but she had never thought he would further seal that by asking her to be his wife. And part of her couldn’t help, but feel shocked as she sat atop the table. The dream she had never dared to hope for was coming true, he didn’t want another deal; he wanted to marry her. And oh how she wanted to marry him, but first she had to get ahold of herself so she could tell him. She looked from him to the ring he held and back again before finally focusing completely on him as he stood there waiting for her answer the look on his face one of doubt and hope as if he expected her to say no, but hoped she loved him enough to say yes.   
“Yes,” smiled Belle watching as his eyes widened.  
He stood there at first without saying a word, but then he took both her hands in his gripping them with an iron like grip.   
“ Could you say that again,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking at her as if he had heard her wrong never looking away from her then this time he wanted to be sure she said what he thought she said.   
“Yes Rumple, I said yes I will marry you,” smiled Belle laughing as a smile slowly found its way onto his face. He stood there still, suddenly he was so happy he couldn’t believe it; he had asked her and she had said yes. He had the overwhelming feeling then to kiss her. She had said yes; she had really truly said yes. Rumpelstiltskin kissed her then his arms tight around her waist as he did so. And she kissed him back her arms moving to surround him curling into the curls of his hair as he held her in his arms. They were so much in love at that very moment. Keeping her arms wrapped around his neck, Belle clung to him in desperation letting him deepen the kiss, and as she moaned in her passion for him he couldn’t help, but think that he would be making her make that sound for the rest of their lives.   
“Say it again,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin laughing as the reality of her answer reached him filling him with such joy. This woman right here in front of him was willingly going to marry him. She wanted to be his wife; it wasn’t like with Milah who had never wanted such a thing. With Belle, it was true, true love; she really honestly sincerely wanted to marry him. She loved him as he loved her.  
“Rumple, I’ve already said it twice; yes I will marry you. I love you and I am so excited I can’t wait to be your wife,” whispered Belle tears moving down her cheeks once more as she began to cover his face in kisses before holding his face in her hands claiming his lips with her own. When they broke apart, they merely stared at each other their hearts pounding as they peered into each other’s eyes.   
“Are you going to put that ring on my finger, or do I have to do it myself,” whispered Belle a hint of a smile curving her lips as she broke their silence.   
“ Yes I almost forgot,” purred Rumpelstiltskin his smile wide as he took her hand kissing it all over; he couldn’t help, but think that today this day was the happiest day of his life.   
“I love you,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin kissing her lips for the thousandth time before looking down at her hand once more the smile never leaving his face as he slipped his gem of love onto her left ring finger watching as she gazed down at it after as if afraid it would disappear and she would wake up to find it all a dream. When she looked at him again there were tears of joy covering her face and pulling her into another kiss he heard her whisper her love for him in return, and as he continued to kiss her he had the sudden overwhelming urge to make love to her.   
“I love you Rumpelstiltskin so much,” exclaimed Belle breaking their kiss for a second then to tell him this before attacking his lips once more wanting nothing more than for him to make love to her. And looking into her eyes, he could see the heat in them; he knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her, the dark blue of her eyes made it all quite clear.   
“Belle…do you…should we,” breathed Rumpelstiltskin in question to the plea her eyes were sending him. He pulled her legs around his waist as he spoke gripping her waist as he stared down into her eyes; he needed to hear her say that she wanted him, that she needed him to make love to her as much as he did.   
“Yes, Rumple, I do want you…please take me now…to our bed. Make love to me now…please. I want to celebrate our engagement,” smiled Belle her voice almost a seductive purr as she nipped playfully at his lips. She kissed him then with no small amount of passion hearing as he growled in response to not just the kiss, but to what she had said. Not leaving her lips, Rumpelstiltskin swept her up into the comfort of his arms his feet moving double time as he nearly ran out of the hall with her. He realized he could have used magic, but he didn’t want to he wanted to carry her to their bed in that moment so once there he could make love to her. They ended and began their kisses as he moved through the castle, his grip on her tight as he held her to his chest, and as they entered the hallway that led to their bedroom he loved her so much in that moment. She was his and she would remain his for as long as they both shall live; she would remain his forever.   
Entering their bedroom, Rumpelstiltskin wasted no time laying her across the bed letting his body cover hers, and seeking out her lips once more they began their celebration. Letting his lips find her neck, he caressed it with them feeling as she gripped his forearms arching her neck to give him further access to it, and then he smiled biting into the skin of her neck ever so slightly with his teeth.   
“Rumpelstiltskin!” exclaimed Belle her voice nearly a scream as hot fire seemed to race through her veins straight to her core when he did that. He pulled back to look at her then a teasing smile curving his lips as their eyes met.   
“Does my soon to be bride like that,” purred Rumpelstiltskin his voice like molten silk as it ran over her as if caressing her body. As he spoke one of his hands came to grip her hip while the other moved over the long expanse of her neck making her gasp his name in the sexiest wanton manner. He just loved the effect he had on her when they were like this; he just loved her.   
“Yes, Rumple I very much do. I love you, I love the way you make me feel; no one has ever made me feel the things you do,” whispered Belle her longing for him quite evident as she drew her bottom lip into her mouth. And as he watched her do so he couldn’t hold back a groan, she was the sexiest most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on; she would be his and only his for eternity. He moved his lips so they were barely touching hers then peering down into her eyes.   
“And no one ever will for you are mine. Now say my name like that again, I quite enjoyed it,” purred Rumpelstiltskin plundering the recesses of her mouth before returning to her neck again making her say his name again and again exactly the way he had requested. Belle closed her eyes for a second then reveling in the feel of having him on top of her like this, but then she opened them once more focusing on a new task. Bringing her hands to his chest, she wasted no time in hurriedly opening the buttons of his vest quickly removing it then beginning to do the same to his shirt she wanted him bare on top of her so badly. When his shirt hit the floor, she moved her hands over the taut yet rough expanse of his chest hearing as he groaned into the skin of her throat in response. Smiling she liked she could make him make such sounds as she drew his lips back to hers kissing him until she had no more breath. She loved him, she loved this sorcerer, this man more than the breathe in her body, and she would love him until the day she died that was her solemn vow. Taking a moment to breath, it wasn’t long until their lips were locked in their passion once more her whole body shivering as he cupped her breasts in his hands for only a moment before moving to do the same with her face. Their kiss broke then as he stared down at her his hands slowly moving to the front of her simple dress. She knew he was asking for permission to rid her of it and peering up at him she nodded her head before kissing him soundly.   
“ Yes, Rumple…rip it off me…I need you,” exclaimed Belle her voice filled with her desire as he claimed her lips once more doing as she demanded and ripping her dress down the middle breaking the kiss afterwards to return to her neck dipping his tongue into the sweet hollow of her throat. Removing her dress so that she lay naked underneath him, Rumple couldn’t help, but smirk every time his name left her lips. He loved the way it sounded on her tongue in her passion. She brought him to kiss her once more intertwining their fingers feeling as he pressed their hands into the bed the burn of their marks when their wrists touched.   
“Belle, I love you; you are mine, only mine, “purred Rumpelstiltskin his voice husky with his lust as he peered down at her. And in that moment she smiled because she could see not just his lust, his deep longing for her in his eyes, but also his deep unending love for her.   
“I love you Rumple,” exclaimed Belle smiling up at him for a moment still before dragging his lips back to hers before letting him continue to worship her body in their celebration.   
Rumpelstiltskin cupped her breasts in his hands once more letting his thumbs brush her pink nipples making them pucker as he continued down her body until he was level with them. He could feel Belle watching him and looking up at her ever so briefly he sucked a nipple into his mouth hearing her moan loudly in response. As he switched to the other breast, Rumple could feel her fingers in his hair tugging on it in her passion and growling in response he continued moving down past her stomach. Stopping just before the apex of her thighs, Rumple looked up at her seeking her permission to continue, and at first she only looked at him before spreading her legs readily around him.   
“Do as you please, my love. I am yours after all,” whispered Belle her voice so seductively low then that it went straight to his groin making him groan before he looked down at the beauty of her sex gently stroking her thighs before moving to spread her open.   
Looking still at the beauty between her legs, he glanced at her one final time before slowly moving his tongue over her; he couldn’t help, but groan when he tasted her. She was so sweet inside and out.   
“Mine,” growled Rumpelstiltskin remembering her words from before as he sucked her little pearl of a clit into his mouth making her nearly scream his name in response. And he couldn’t help, but think that hearing it on her lips like that would never get old. Going to town on her, he teased her clit, flicking at it with his tongue in a slow sweet torture that she found she loved, and with each whimper, or moan that she gave in response he could feel her coming closer to her end. She was already so wet for him, she wanted him as much as he wanted her that much was clear, and as she came closer to the end he loved her so much. He loved that he would be the only man to ever see her like this; he loved that he would be the only man to ever truly have her. She was his as he was hers and continuing to worship her body he smiled as his tongue moved lower his name still a constant on her lips. When he found the entrance to her sex, he slithered his tongue inside tasting her with a groan as he lapped at her sweet walls letting his thumb trace the outline of her clit as he did so. Holding her legs apart he continued this hearing her repeat his name like a mantra in-between screams of yes and pleas for him not to stop; she was lost to her pleasure and he felt so much pride deep inside that it was him, him who was giving it to her. This finally made her come undone as she screamed her pleasure for the world to hear her head falling back against the bed her eyes closing in that same moment as her pleasure overwhelmed her. And staring up at her he smiled, she thought he was done with her, but he had only just begun.   
When Belle opened her eyes again, she expected him to be looming over her once more, but he wasn’t. He was still between her legs and the second she looked at him his long spinner’s fingers entered her making her gasp as his tongue ghosted over her clit before sucking it into his mouth. He most certainly had a lot in store for her tonight. And if she thought what happened before was wonderful, this was extraordinary because as he continued she could feel her end coming again except much faster this time and then suddenly it happened again. She fell apart, falling over the edge because of him again, and he couldn’t have been prouder as he lapped up her sweetness his hands gripped her thighs still. And as he did so Belle couldn’t help, but think that he was indeed a magic man, her magic man. Afterwards she felt as his arms curled around her and opening her eyes this time he was looming over her just like she expected. Her breathing was heavy as she looked into the red of his eyes nothing, but happiness in her gaze as she pulled him to kiss her. She kissed him with such heat her hands gripping his upper back her nails just barely cutting into his skin and breaking away from her he peered down at her as he moved a stray curl away from her beautiful face.   
“Rumple, please…make love to me now. I love you; I need you. I need you so badly right now,” whispered Belle the smile that found its way onto her face seductive yet sweet as she brought a hand to caress his cheek. He didn’t say anything as he stared down at her then thinking again with a smile that she would be his wife very soon; he kissed her then removing his leathers with a single thought. Laying naked on top of her now, he peered down at her still his love for her shining in his eyes, and kissing her one final time he was determined to make love to her then so there would be no doubt in her mind of how much he loved her. He would never love another, she was his first true love, she would be his last love, and for the rest of their lives he would never let her forget that she was his everything. He would love her forever; he would love her for eternity. And thinking this, he held himself between her legs at her entrance, and kissing her once more he slipped inside her. He groaned as he entered the warmth of her body his breath hitching as she clutched him and looking down at her his heart melted when he saw the sexy little smile she wore. It was all for him; she was all for him. And kissing her once more he reveled in that.   
“I’m all yours Rumple, forever,” purred Belle as they kissed as if reading his thoughts.   
Breaking the kiss, he looked down at her, she was beautiful, and she was his forever.   
“Yes, mine. And I am all yours,” purred Rumpelstiltskin attacking her lips once more as he pulled her legs tight around him going even deeper inside her. And then breaking their kiss he peered down at her slowly beginning to move inside her watching as her gaze became heavy in response her head falling back. It was like she was melting before his eyes becoming a puddle of goo in his arms and as she moaned his name in her pleasure he began to move faster even harder inside her feeling as she clutched him for dear life. And god if he didn’t feel the same way as his own pleasure moved through him with each thrust he pulled her lips to his once more.   
“Mine,” growled Rumpelstiltskin his grip on her tight as he stared down at her the red of his eyes becoming nearly black.   
“ Yours, all yours…completely,” moaned Belle in-between heated kisses her hands moving over his back and shoulders as he pounded away at her making them both moan their pleasure for the castle walls to hear. And pulling his lips back to hers, she kissed him then with all her love, all her passion, and it was in that moment they both knew they would be one. They smiled at each other than because they both knew that very soon they would be getting married, he would be her husband and she his wife. Everything was slowly falling into place.  
“Belle,” growled Rumpelstiltskin thrusting hard into her making sure her legs stayed tight around him as he suckled her neck leaving his mark there for all to see. And then it happened again, she fell over the edge again, and as he held her in his arms as she did so he couldn’t help, but think that she was beautiful. So beautiful. He came apart seconds after she did an electric current of sparks flying through them as they reached their end and in that same moment they felt their wrists burn with their love as much as their bodies did.   
“I love you,” they breathed together as they fell into a heaping pile of heavily breathing body parts on the bed. When they looked at each other, they both had tiny satisfied smiles on their faces, and both of them found themselves covered in sweat their hearts still pounding. Rolling onto his back, Rumple cradled his beauty in his arms, she was his greatest treasure, and he would never let her forget it. He loved her so much.   
“We’re getting married,” whispered Rumple finally looking down into her happy love filled gaze both their smiles getting bigger. Belle looked down at the ring on her finger then the smile never leaving her face, but then looking at him she snuggled further into his embrace lightly kissing the smooth column of his throat. This made him purr as she straddled him her beautiful form hovering over him as she held his face in her hands suddenly attacking his lips with a fever he hadn’t known she possessed.   
“I’m going to be your wife,” whispered Belle smiling the biggest smile as their lips parted.   
“ And you’re going to be my husband,” continued Belle her head falling onto his chest then as she looked up at him her happiness seeming to radiate right off of her. He smiled then drawing her into yet another kiss and rolling her onto her back once more he stared down at her a happy glimmer in his amber eyes.   
“ Yes, you shall be my wife and I your husband; we shall be married as soon as possible unless the bride has any objections,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking down at her questioningly before she pulled his lips to hers once more kissing him with a passionate urgency that fueled every cell in his body.   
“Do you still think I want a long engagement? I want us to be married as soon as humanly possible. I don’t want to have to wait a second longer than necessary to be your wife,” smiled Belle pulling him down into her arms for another kiss as soon as she finished.


	6. Stop Hiding Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jefferson stands up to Rumpelstiltskin and makes him see how blind he has been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you all go my first update of 2016. I hope you all enjoy and continue to read this story. I’m sorry I haven’t updated, but you know sometimes life happens. I own nothing.

Rumple opened his eyes that same memory playing through his mind with consistency. Lying awake on his side of the bed, he let it replay one more time before he knew he would have to go on. Go on living without his Belle. And finally he turned lying in the middle of the bed and spreading his arms out wide he didn’t move still. He couldn’t stop thinking; thinking of everything, but also nothing at all. There was a time he wouldn’t have been able to lay in the middle of his own bed. There was a time when he couldn’t wake up without seeing her beautiful brown hair and feeling as she snuggled into his side. But now that was over and he had the whole bed to himself. He hated it.   
“I’m alone again,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin staring up at the ceiling as he had found himself doing since his talk with his son.   
“I feel so alone without you sweetheart. It doesn’t matter that I have Jefferson and Grace, or even the children with me…I…I miss you,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin a lone tear sliding down his cheek.   
Sitting up in bed finally he didn’t bother showering, he simply dressed with a snap of his fingers. Rumple exited his room finding the castle as bleak as it had been since its lady’s death. And as expected Jefferson was not far away a breakfast tray in hand. He didn’t know why the Hatter bothered anymore he never ate what he brought him. He was rarely hungry anymore; he was the Dark One he didn’t need to eat like everyone else.   
“Are you going to eat breakfast today Rumple?” asked Jefferson knowing the answer as Rumple walked past him ignoring him completely. But still carrying the tray he followed his friend. Jefferson didn’t need to ask, he knew where Rumple was headed. To his tower for that was where he spent his days choosing to work on his curse instead of being with the children. He rarely ate and only slept when Jefferson forced him to. Jefferson could see what was happening. Rumpelstiltskin was turning into the man he had been before Belle; the darkness was slowly taking him again. But it wasn’t just him; the children were nearly the same except he made sure they ate and slept every day. The whole family was falling to pieces without their princess to hold them together and nobody knew how to fix it. Jefferson wasn’t even sure if it could be fixed.   
When he returned to the kitchen setting the uneaten breakfast to the side, Jefferson found Grace setting plates of food in front of each child. None of them said a word they only stared straight ahead. Sitting at the table with them, Jefferson waited for Grace to join them before he began to eat watching each of them out of the corner of his eye still. And still not a word was said. This had become the new normal; since Belle’s death many things had become normal.   
Afterwards as Grace began the dishes, Helena left moving out of the castle to roam the grounds as she did every day, Nicolas moved up the stairs retreating to his mother’s library he was the only one who would enter that particular room, and Annabelle went right back to her room never leaving sometimes not even when it was time to eat. They had just lost their mother and to Jefferson’s despair he was afraid they might lose their father too. It had fallen on Grace and him to watch over them since Rumple began locking himself away in his tower. And sometimes Jefferson was so angry at him for that. He knew his friend was hurting, but that gave him no right to completely ignore his children like this. They needed him now more than ever.   
“This can’t go on Papa, they need uncle Rum. We need to get him out of that tower; we need to show him what is happening to his children,” said Grace not looking at him as she did the dishes hearing as he stood up from his place at the table.   
“I know. I’m going to talk to him tonight though it may get me turned into a snail,” whispered Jefferson watching as Grace forgot the dishes for the moment turning to lean into his side. Jefferson put his arm around her moving to kiss her temple.   
“You know, if Aunt Belle were here she would have dragged him right out of the tower. If Aunt Belle were here everything would be ok,” whispered Grace tears glistening in her eyes. Jefferson didn’t say anything then as he pulled his daughter close. He knew what needed to be done. He had to get Rumple out of that tower, he had to get him to pay attention to his children instead of his precious curse, but he knew he had to have the courage to stand up to the Dark One to do so.   
And as he watched over the children that day the Hatter was determined that today would be the last day Rumple would go on ignoring his children. He watched them do the same thing every day and it was killing him to watch it. They needed their father. The Hatter watched as Helena made her rounds around the castle only stopping to lie in the garden. He watched as Nicolas laid in the library a book in hand just like his mother his eyes red from his crying.   
“Will she even remember her mother in a few years,” thought Jefferson as he watched Annabelle sit in her room appearing to have a tea party with her stuffed animals. She was the youngest of all the children and she was the one he worried over the most. It made him sad to think that in a few years’ time she might not remember Belle. And it was that thought that gave him the courage to face Rumpelstiltskin.   
After putting the children to bed that night Jefferson found himself wondering into the great hall. The place was still shrouded in complete darkness and sitting at the long table he nursed a glass of elf made whiskey. He knew what needed to be said to his friend, but he was gathering his courage. Rumpelstiltskin may be his friend, but all that aside he was still the Dark One who was always threatening to turn him into a snail. But finally downing the whiskey Jefferson knew he could stall no longer leaving the hall to head up to the dark tower.   
“Courage Jefferson, do it for the children they need their father back,” thought Jefferson as he came to the stairs. Slowly he made his way up the stairs and when he came to the door he stopped taking a deep breath before turning the knob. And once the door opened he saw his friend still hard at work as he was every day and every night.   
“Rumple,” called Jefferson standing in the doorway receiving no sign that he had been heard. He didn’t appear to have heard him not even looking in his direction and after several more attempts Jefferson found himself losing his temper.   
“Rumpelstiltskin, I need to talk to you would you please stop ignoring me,” snapped Jefferson finally leaving the doorway. He was mad by this time and didn’t care if he was the Dark One or not. Slamming his hands down on the table he finally got his attention. And as he finally looked at him Jefferson swore that he was going to make him stop being the Dark One for five seconds and actually be a father. Turning in his direction Rumple was instantly giving him a cruel I’m going to turn you into a snail glare, but for the first time Jefferson didn’t flinch. He was doing this for the children and whether he got turned into a snail or not he was doing this for them.   
“What is it Hatter, I didn’t expect to see you tonight I slept last night,” snapped Rumpelstiltskin his glare still piercing the Hatter like a dagger.   
“I need to talk to you about the children,” seethed Jefferson the glare not even fazing him as he suddenly wore one of his own directing it at the infamous Dark One.   
The second those words left his mouth Jefferson watched as the glare left his friends eyes and nothing else seemed to matter. And when he saw that Jefferson breathed a sign it meant that the darkness had not invaded his soul completely yet. Rumple still loved his children very much.   
“What about the children? Are they alright?” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin getting to his feet and Jefferson knew he was a word away from spoofing to their sides.   
“Yes and No Rumple. They just lost their mother and they are grieving so badly they’ve stopped living almost. Not to mention they haven’t seen you since you started locking yourself away in this tower. You might want to leave this tower and go spend some time with them so they know they haven’t lost their father too. They are dying Rumple and you ignoring them pretending they don’t exist is doing nothing to help them. You need to stop being the Dark One and be their god dawn father,” screamed Jefferson not believing himself as he spoke. He was actually yelling at the Dark One and so far he hadn’t been turned into a snail. When he was done though he looked at Rumple and found that he wouldn’t even look at him. Obviously he had gotten through loud and clear.   
“Hatter I am well aware of the fact that my children have just lost their mother because I have just lost my wife. Don’t you think I want to be with them now? I do, but I can’t I have very important work to do. They know how important my work is; they understand,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin trying to convince himself of that rather than the Hatter. And then the unexpected happened. Jefferson suddenly grabbed him by his collar and brought him so that their noses were nearly touching. The Hatter had never dared do such a thing before, but when he looked into his eyes he knew why. He had become completely unhinged in his anger.   
“Keep telling yourself that Rumple.The truth is you just want to lock yourself in this tower and let the darkness have you again. You want the world to dissolve around you, but I’ll tell you right now it won’t fix a dawn thing. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and be there for those children because they need you. Locking yourself away won’t take the pain away, your curse won’t take it away either; none of it will. No matter how long you stay here, or how long you work on that curse it won’t bring Belle back. Nothing will, I wish it could, but she’s gone. She’s gone and your children need you to be their father,” seethed Jefferson finally throwing him back onto his stool nearly making him fall to the floor. He stood there then in the silence that he had grown used to since Belle’s death waiting to be turned into a snail. But that moment never happened instead they just looked at each other finally. Rumpelstiltskin quickly looked away staring at his hands instead letting every word the Hatter had just said run through his mind.   
He knew he was right, but he hated admitting it. He had been neglecting the children he had been so focused on his work that he couldn’t focus on anything else. But that was only part of it. Each of his children reminded him so much of Belle and he still missed her so much. Every time he looked at them he saw her.   
“You’re right I know you’re right. I need to be with the children now. I promise you Hatter I will change and in the next few days I will devote myself to them. You’re right they need to know they haven’t lost me too. They need to know that they will never lose me,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin looking up meeting the Hatter’s gaze.   
“Yes I know you can, but you will start tomorrow not in a few days. They need you now not in a few days and I personally going to see to it that you don’t set food in this tower again until their better,” said Jefferson simply daring Rumple to challenge him. He approached the door then still looking at Rumple making it clear from the look on his face that he expected him to sleep tonight. And this time Rumple didn’t fight. He knew Jefferson meant business there was something that had given him the courage to stand up to him and as he left the tower with him Rumpelstiltskin had to respect him just a little for it. Nothing was said between them as they moved through the hallway to their rooms. This silence continued into their rooms and as Rumple lay in his bed that night he didn’t sleep he had too much on his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about his children. Were they really as bad off as Jefferson made it sound? Had he really been so engrossed in his work that he hadn’t noticed? And then he couldn’t help, but think of Belle. If she had been here she would have done the same thing Jefferson did except he knew she would have yelled at him much, much worse.


	7. Venturing Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumple has breakfast with his children.

Chapter 7

To Rumple it felt like he got no sleep at all when he opened his eyes to the morning. He couldn’t stop his mind from working even in sleep and as he stared up at the ceiling it continued to work. And then turning over in his bed he let his eyes settle on the empty side of the bed where she once slept. He reached his hand out on instinct laying his hand against the empty sheets. For years, since the day she had returned professing her love for him he had woken up with her by his side. He had awoken each morning only to pull her into his arms burying his face in her neck breathing in the sweet smell of her skin. He had awoken to her fingers running through his hair, to the sweet lilt of her voice, and to her tender kisses. But now all he had to wake up to were empty sheets.   
“I miss you my Belle,” breathed Rumpelstiltskin rolling onto her side of the bed to breath in what remained of her. He longed for her still. He would long for her for the rest of his existence and as he laid there still the reality of it all was not lost on him. This would be his existence; he was destined to live without her from this moment forward; she was gone forever. And as much as he knew he would have to find a way to live with that he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to. So he laid there so many different thought going through his mind. He didn’t want to live any longer. He didn’t want to ever come to terms with the fact that Belle was gone though he knew he must. Rumpelstiltskin didn’t want to live, he wanted to lie in bed, and slowly wait to die. But he knew he couldn’t because he still had his children. He still had his three children and even if he had to live the rest of his existence in misery Rumple knew they were worth living for. Their faces filled his mind in that moment fueling his movements as he finally rose from the mess that was his bed. He was unprepared for this day; it was to be different from the others because today his routine would be broken. Jefferson would make sure his routine of sulking off to his tower would be broken.   
“Today is for the children. I must see to the children,” thought Rumpelstiltskin as he sat on the edge of his bed. They needed him and though Rumple would never admit it he needed them. They were the only light left to keep the darkness at bay. Gathering the courage to finally leave the bed, Rumpelstiltskin stood up not bothering to even dress himself. With a snap of his fingers it was all done for him. When he left his room things were just as he knew they would be; Jefferson was right outside his door waiting for him. He had meant what he said he was not going to let him run to his tower anymore. His children needed him and he was going to see to it that he saw to their needs as well as his own. For as much as Rumple thought hiding himself away was what he needed in all reality everyone knew this was not true. What he needed was to be with those that loved him instead of shut up with his own thoughts.   
“There’s no getting out of this, is there?” whispered Rumpelstiltskin noticing instantly that Jefferson held no breakfast tray this time.   
“No,” said Jefferson simply. He hesitated in the doorway then, he was afraid of what he would find when he saw his children again. Would they be resentful towards him for locking himself away? Were they really as bad as Jefferson had said?   
As the two men moved down the hallway nothing was said. Rumpelstiltskin was stuck inside his own head trying to contemplate the moment swiftly approaching. And then they were down the stairs, he stopped in his tracks when he found himself in front of those double doors. It was clear no one had opened them in a very long time, but just the sight of them made his heart throb. It was in that great hall where they had spent some of their fondest moments. And it was in that great hall that he had laid her to rest after saying goodbye to her that horrid day. Staring at those doors he found he couldn’t move. He couldn’t take his eyes off of them and then he felt the tears threatening to pour out of him once more. But then he felt the Hatter’s hand clasp his shoulder drawing back out of his thoughts their eyes finally meeting. When Jefferson saw the tears ready to spill he gave him a small smile as if to say it was ok without really saying it.   
“Come on Rumple. We’re not going through there,” breathed Jefferson turning him away from those doors in the direction of another hallway. They moved though it towards the kitchen and as he followed the Hatter he couldn’t help, but wonder if he would ever go into the great hall again. Part of hoped he wouldn’t because despite all the happy memories that lay there he would only ever be able to remember the moment when he had been forced to say goodbye to the woman he loved. And then he found himself standing in the doorway to the kitchen.   
Jefferson noticed immediately that Rumple didn’t follow him inside. He turned to look at him expecting to find him staring at each one of them, but he wasn’t. His eyes were locked onto the ground as if afraid to look up for fear of what he would see. But then finally he looked up into the Hatter’s eyes and then his eyes began to travel around the room. The first person they landed on was Grace. Grace was at the stove making breakfast a face of stone on instead of her usual cheerfulness.   
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen them this quiet,” thought Rumpelstiltskin when his eyes landed on his children. Before when their mother was alive they had been happy always with a smile on their face, always laughing, or making some sort of noise. Now they just sat there as if they had no reason to go on. They just sat there at the table in complete silence. And the sight of them in such a state scared him. They didn’t say a word, they didn’t even appear to move, and seeing them like that watching them like that made his heart shatter more.   
“I have a surprise for you my rabbits. We are having a guest for breakfast someone I know we all have missed,” smiled Jefferson drawing everyone in the rooms attention and then Rumple felt each of their eyes fall on him.   
He still didn’t move though, he felt all eyes fall on him, and looking at each of them he tried to smile. Only Grace and the Hatter smiled back while his children only looked at him a moment before returning their attention to nothing in particular. This made his smile disappear. He had been hoping that they wouldn’t be mad at the way he had hidden himself away from them, but he knew instantly he was wrong. He was wrong and he was scared they would never forgive him for it. This was his only thought until suddenly he felt someone take his hand. And looking up he found himself looking into Grace’s eyes. She was still smiling at him and slowly he let his smile return. It quickly grew bigger when she wrapped her arms around him hugging him tightly her soft curls tickling his nose. The hug started out very awkward at first, but then suddenly he found himself returning the sentiment.  
“You can leave the doorway uncle Rum. We won’t bite; we’ve really missed you,” whispered Grace pulling away just slightly to look at him that contagious smile still on her face. And looking at her in that moment Rumpelstiltskin wanted to believe that, but looking at his children he doubted her words. They might have missed him once, but now they resented him.   
“Come on, uncle Rum,” breathed Grace taking both his hands using them to pull him into the room giving him a single kiss on the cheek before returning to breakfast.   
For a while Rumple only stood there in the center of the room contemplating approaching the table. It was Jefferson’s hand pushing him forward that made him move forward. Pulling out a chair next to his son, Rumpelstiltskin sat down at the table with them his eyes roaming over each of them. He was searching for change and much to his relief he found none. The only change in his children was the grief that covered them like rain. There was nothing, but tension at first. Nothing was said, they wouldn’t even look at him, and it wasn’t until Jefferson sat down next to him that it lifted. And then Grace sat breakfast before them all taking a seat opposite him.   
“Alright everyone eat up,” smiled Grace hoping someone would say something. But no one did the room remained as silent as a mausoleum. Rumpelstiltskin observed every movement around him, he watched everything, and he hated what he saw. It was like all the light had been sucked from his children like it had been to himself. It was like the death of their mother had left them unable to move on; he understood it all very well. But that still didn’t help him know what to say to break the silence. He had no idea what he was going to do to make his little flowers come back to life.   
He wanted to tell them he loved them, to apologize for locking himself away, but for some reason the words wouldn’t come. And the reason was because Rumple was sure they wouldn’t forgive him. When every plate was cleaned Rumple watched as Grace cleared the table and then each of his children rose from their seats. And still all was silent as they left the room. They would each go to the same place, the same place they went every day to mourn, to miss their mother. They were following in their father’s footsteps; they were locking themselves away and their lives were ending with their mother’s. Rumple could see it and he hated it. And looking at Jefferson then Grace he understood how they must have felt watching him. Rumpelstiltskin was silent a moment longer before he finally looked at Jefferson.   
“You are right they need me. They have needed me and I haven’t been there for them as I should have been. How do I fix this?” whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking at Jefferson then at Grace hoping they had the answer. He thought it would be Jefferson who provided him with the answer, but much to his surprise it was Grace.  
“You already know the answer to that question uncle Rum,” signed Grace wiping her hands on a towel before slowly making her way over to him.   
“You need to do what you haven’t all this time. You need to be there uncle Rum. Make up for the time you’ve been away from them and think uncle Rum. Think about what Aunt Belle would have done if she were here. She always did know how to handle things; you need to learn to do that now,” continued Grace giving him a look before returning to her dishes. Rumpelstiltskin still didn’t say a word as he processed it all. And it was then he realized it. Now he wouldn’t just have to be their father; now he would have to be a mother to them too. And though he had done it before with Bae the thought of it still scared him. Thinking about it more he suddenly he what he would do. He only hoped it would work.


	8. Annabelle

Rumpelstiltskin walked with slow steps out of the kitchen. He didn’t know if he could fix the mistakes he had made. He didn’t know if his children would forgive him and the fear in his heart that they wouldn’t made his heart pound. But despite that fear he knew he had to try even as he felt his fear holding him back. At first, he barely tried and then he searched their rooms. They weren’t there though, each room was bone dry, empty, and from the look of them they had only been used for sleep. It didn’t look like the lights had been turned on in a long time. This made his fear rise. What if they had left him just like Bae did? Just the thought of that made him start to panic. Jefferson appeared in that moment though immediately calming his fears.   
“The children are fine, Rumple. They are off around the castle…Helena is probably in the garden picking flowers. She puts fresh flowers on Belle’s grave every day. Nicholas is in her library…he goes there right after breakfast…doesn’t leave until I make him go to bed. And Annabelle…she probably wondered back into the kitchen after she was sure you were gone…since Belle died she kind of clings to Grace. Doesn’t leave her side…but if you had been around you’d know that. Fix this Rumple…go find your children and fix this or else you’ll never forgive yourself,” whispered Jefferson looking at him with so many emotions in his eyes. There was so much anger, but still that understanding he always had when it came to the imp. It was those eyes that made him cautiously move forward. His steps were quicker now even as the fear still bubbled in his heart. He hurried down to the kitchen knowing that he must speak with Annabelle first. She was the youngest, he knew she didn’t understand any of this more than his other children. She must be so confused and that was why he knew he had to apologize to her before he apologized to anybody else. And then he was there. He stood in the kitchen doorway and the second his eyes landed on her he could swear he felt a wrench in his heart.   
There she was, his youngest child, his baby, looking, so sad as she watched Grace cut vegetables. Annabelle automatically felt him staring at her and looking up in his direction the second she saw him she quickly looked away. It broke his heart even more. But even as it did that and he continued to look at her seeing his Belle in her most out of all his children, Rumple knew there was only one person to blame. He had done this, he had abandoned them, and now he had to find some way to make up for that. Rumpelstiltskin entered the room then his steps echoing through the room until he was right there in front of his daughter. She looked at him again for another fleeting second and it was then that their eyes finally met. It only lasted a second, barely a second, but it gave him the courage to take a seat next to her.   
“Hello, Anna,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin making their eyes meet for the second time.   
Annabelle merely stared at him at first, she looked sad, scared, so many emotions pooled in her tiny little eyes. Before now he wouldn’t have believed, so many emotions were possible in one, so small.   
“Hi,” said Annabelle.   
“I’m sorry,” continued Annabelle under her breath her little eyes filling with tears in that moment.  
“Sweetheart,” gasped Rumpelstiltskin moving to touch her head, but thinking better of it as he watched her crumple into tears not knowing or understanding why as she started to sob.   
When he could take it no more, Rumple took his little girl into his arms holding her to his chest. He felt as her tiny little body shook with her tears. Her arms went around his neck and when she clung to him he didn’t say a word. He only held her waiting for the right moment to say what he needed to.   
“Dear heart…why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin finally making her look at him.   
“You don’t want us anymore…you left us,” whispered Annabelle her little tears still moving down her face. Her words made Rumple speechless. He knew what she said was partly the truth, but he had never thought that her, his children, would see it that way. It made him think of their mother. They were as cunning, as smart as she had been. And holding his little girl close he kissed the top of her head at that very thought. It was then that she looked at him both their eyes shining with tears now. In that moment, Rumple didn’t know what to say. He knew what he had to say, but the actual words seemed lost. His children thought he didn’t want them anymore. How was he supposed to diffuse that? How could he wipe that thought from their minds when in that moment as he sat there he couldn’t blame them for having it? And that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.   
“I love you, sweetheart…I love all of you, so much,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin kissing her forehead as he peered down at her.   
“I’m so sorry…Papa should have been here,” breathed Rumpelstiltskin hating himself for letting things get this bad. But in that moment, he also wondered if that’s what the rest thought too. It was then that he looked down at her again.   
“I’m so sorry, baby…Papa was hurting and he forgot that you are too. I was missing Mama, so I just needed some time to be alone…but I never stopped loving you. I would never do that, sweetheart. I love you and your brother and sister so much…I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise,” said Rumpelstiltskin drying his little one’s tears as they lay spilled across her face. He was crying hard now and it was as he was trying to find his next words that Annabelle made him forget all about them.   
He felt as his little girl clung to him and looking around he found the room empty. Grace had left them alone. He let his tears dominate him then not looking at his baby only running his fingers through her hair.   
“Papa?” whispered Annabelle finally laying her hands on both his cheeks making him stare down into her eyes.  
“Don’t cry…I still love you too,” whispered Annabelle drying his tears as he had her own. Her words were a balm to him as he held her close. They gave him hope that everything would be alright. That not just Annabelle, but all his children would forgive him.   
That was his repeated thought as he peered into her eyes, the eyes that were, so much like her mother’s. It was just as he hoped it would be. His children were keeping his Belle’s memory alive and with that thought he hugged her. He loved his children, so much.   
“I hope you can forgive me,” said Rumpelstiltskin tenderly kissing her forehead again smiling as she nodded immediately an instant yes. His daughter pulled away from him then and holding his face in her hands she gave him a kiss.   
“I love you, Papa…just don’t go again,” whispered Annabelle looking at him now with such conviction that once again it reminded him of Belle. With that thought he kissed her forehead hugging her again.   
“I promise, Annabelle. Never again,” breathed Rumpelstiltskin.   
They sat there afterward in complete silence with him only holding his daughter who now clung to him. It was like she thought if she let go he would disappear again. Grace entered the room then her eyes red telling him she had heard it all. He silently smiled at her then as she sat down at the table once more preparing dinner. Only then did Annabelle leave him moving to sit between them. Annabelle looked like her old self now. She was happy. She wouldn’t stop smiling and just looking at her warmed his heart. But it also renewed his hope. Rumple hoped the talks with his other children would go just as well. Part of him still knew they would not be easy, but he knew that he couldn’t let that deter him. They were all he had left, he couldn’t give up; he had to fix this somehow. Rumple stood up then moving to leave the room in search of Helena and Nicholas. He gently kissed his daughters head and leaving the room he moved out of the room.   
“Now, hopefully it goes as well with Helena and Nicholas,” thought Rumpelstiltskin moving through the castle. He could feel his hear coming back tenfold because he knew his other children would not be nearly as understanding. They were older after all. And just thinking of the moments to come had the coward deep inside him scared to death. It was that coward that entered the garden in search of his oldest daughter. He knew Nicholas would be the hardest of the three to speak to, so that’s why now he was in search of Helena. She would be hard on him, but not nearly as hard as her brother. Like Annabelle, she was so much like her mother whereas Nicholas was like him when he was upset…he didn’t easily forgive. Helena would like her sister understand.


	9. Helena

Helena was exactly where Jefferson had told Rumple she’d be. As Rumpelstiltskin descended into the cool air outside his castle he walked slowly stopping when that stone sticking out of the ground came into view. It represented his Belle even as it didn’t. As he looked at it from afar, Rumple couldn’t help hating it, but mostly because it wasn’t good enough. His Belle deserved more.   
“Nothing could ever be good enough for her,” thought Rumpelstiltskin his eyes landing on his daughter in that moment watching her as she put flowers on her mother’s grave. She was putting roses, they had been her mother’s favorite since that day when Rumple gave her the rose that unbeknownst to her had been her fiancé. He knew they were probably from her mother’s very garden, for like that rose from long ago they were red. Rumple remembered when Belle planted her rose garden in that moment; she had insisted the roses be red. As he thought of those times, Rumple had another thought, he never did tell her who exactly that rose was, and focusing on their daughter he wondered what would have happened if he had. Would she still have loved roses just as much? Would she had torn her whole garden apart in outrage at the news? Rumple didn’t know and he never would. And in that moment, he wasn’t sure if he should have told her or not.   
“She is as precise about things as her mother used to be,” thought Rumpelstiltskin watching her place each flower by the headstone being reminded more and more of Belle with each passing second.   
Since her death, Rumple had noticed Belle more in each of the children, but more so in Helena. Now he was noticing that more. Helena didn’t just look slightly like her mother, she was her mother more in her personality then any of the others, and as he watched her Rumple knew that without Helena and Grace the others wouldn’t have survived his absence. She was raising her siblings along with Grace now and he couldn’t imagine the thoughts that brought to her mind.   
“You are so much like your mother, Helena. She would have been so proud…she was very proud of you,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin breaking the silence that hung in the air. Helena stopped what she was doing in that moment her body becoming stock still. But finally, she laid her final rose on the grave. Helena still didn’t look at him after that, she simply sat at her mother’s grave staring at that headstone refusing to look at him. The longer she wouldn’t look at him the more he suddenly felt a pain in his heart. He had done this, no one else, him. Rumple wasn’t sure what to expect from her, he didn’t expect her to just run into his arms forgiving him, but he didn’t want to see hate in her eyes. In any of their eyes.   
“I miss her…she didn’t have a choice. She never would have left us,” said Helena her hurt clear as her voice broke the wind beginning to blow around them. It was then that he realized she was looking right at him.   
“I know, she always put being a mother before anything else,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking her in the eye not seeing hate, but hurt. Slowly he walked towards his daughter then not sure what he was going to get when he was close enough to touch her. But then he sat right next to her at Belle’s grave. All was silent between them a moment as they simply looked at each other and wrapping an arm around her Rumple hugged her. Nothing would ever make up for walking away the way he did, but he hoped maybe this was a start. That was when the tears started.   
“I miss her,” exclaimed Helena.   
“So, do I, sweetheart, so do I,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin attempting to cradle her in his arms, but she wouldn’t let him.   
Before Rumple could stop her, she had left his embrace, and was running away. At first, he only watched her, but soon he was following even as he knew she wanted to be away from him. But he hurried after her.   
“Helena,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin striding after her. But then as suddenly as she had run away, she stopped. She stopped in the middle of Belle’s garden standing stock still as if deciding what to say.   
“Mother would never have just left us…if you had died…she would have stayed by our side the whole time. But it wasn’t you…it was her because unlike her you are immortal,” screamed Helena rounding on him.   
“Mother loved us more than anything. You said she always put being a mother over everything else…well maybe you should take a page from her. If she was here…she wouldn’t have let you do what you did. She wouldn’t have let you walk away. She always made sure that you put us before that curse. If she never got sick or died she wouldn’t have let you lock yourself away forgetting about us,” exclaimed Helena taking a step towards him with each word. In that moment, she stared him down her eyes holding so many emotions, but still hate was not one of them. She simply stared him down waiting to see what he had to say in response.   
In that moment though she suddenly just stopped staring him down the entire time before striding towards him.   
“She made everything good…and you’re tearing everything…everything she made good apart,” exclaimed Helena stopping directly in front of him. Rumple almost expected her to hit him, he wouldn’t have blamed her if she did, but she didn’t. Instead she only continued to stare him down and in that moment Rumple didn’t dare touch her or try to sooth her. He just waited. To Helena, he was still her father, and to attack him would go too far. He was still her authority figure and she had to respect him as such even as mad as she was.   
“It should have been you,” whispered Helena not meaning it even as she said it.   
She only stood there not knowing what to do until looking her father in the eye she crumbled. As she started to sob, Rumple wrapped his arms around her holding her head to his chest so she could cry into it, and in that moment, he knew this is what she needed.   
“I know, sweetheart, it should have been me. I’m so sorry it wasn’t. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here all this time. I’m so sorry,” whispered Rumpelstiltskin holding her all the tighter as he held in his own tears knowing this moment was not about him, but her. His daughter said nothing in response to what he said. In that moment she needed to cry, so she did. She cried tears that she had held in as the older sibling needing to take care of the younger ones. She cried tears that she needed to cry because in that moment she knew she would never be alright because her mother, her best friend, her confident was gone. But when she was done crying she turned those same tear-filled eyes on him.   
“I promise you, sweetheart, I’m not leaving again. From now on I will put being your father before everything else,” exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin taking her face in his hands. Only in that moment as he made that promise did he let his tears fall down his own cheeks. This time he swore he would keep that promise. Nothing would ever be more important to him than them ever again.   
“That curse means more to you, more than us, so please don’t say that,” said Helena her voice cracking with more tears. This only made Rumple hold her closer, never in his life would he have thought his children would think that. Nothing had ever been more important than them and now that he knew they didn’t know that he would work his life away to make sure they did know from now on. He never knew they thought that. Taking Helena by the shoulders Rumple made her look at him even as he didn’t know what to say.   
“That isn’t true…you, your brother and sister…you are my world. The curse is just…something I must do. Someday, I’ll help you understand more, but now just know that you are my world. Just know that I love you,” said Rumpelstiltskin his eyes baring down into hers.   
He could tell as he looked at her that she was listening, but that there was something behind those eyes.   
“What is it, sweetheart?” whispered Rumpelstiltskin upon reading that look.   
“I’ll accept that now, daddy, but someday I want to know the truth behind that curse. Until then…until you think I can understand…just promise not to disappear again. We need you…mother’s gone, so you’re all we got,” said Helena looking away as she finished thoughts of a life without her mother filling her mind. Rumple only nodded as he held her in his arms. He simply held her closer as they started to walk quietly through the garden both feeling Belle’s presence in that moment. It was as they walked that Rumple kissed her head making her stop them. As they stood among the red roses, she looked up at him, and it was then Rumple saw forgiveness in her eyes.   
“I never forgot, my dear, and I never will,” said Rumpelstiltskin pulling her into his arms as they walked. They walked in silence then and as things seemed to mend between him and his daughter, Rumple thought of his son. What would the talk with Nicholas be like? Did he think the same thing Helena did? Rumple couldn’t help thinking that that relationship wouldn’t mend so easily.


	10. The Failures of the Father

The conversation Rumple had been dreading came long before he was ready. After his talk with his daughter, he didn’t even realize what was coming next, not until he was there. His body, his very soul seemed to lead him.   
“Belle” whispered Rumpelstiltskin her name catching in his throat as he stood before the intricately carved door of her library, the room he’d never thought he enter again after her death. Now though, he had to. His son was through that door, Jefferson had said he never left except to eat and sleep, and if he wanted to explain himself to Nicholas he must go inside. Jefferson had said that Nicholas never left because the library was where Belle was most present, he said Nicholas could feel her there; that that was where his memories of her were the strongest. To Rumple, it told him one thing that his son missed his mother. Rumple stared intently at the door. He wondered if he’d feel her there too. He wasn’t ready to go in there and yet he knew he must, despite that though, he felt the old coward in him rising to the surface. In days past, he would have avoided this moment for as long as possible.   
“You can’t be that coward now. You failed one son, if you don’t go in there, you will be failing another” thought Rumple staring at that door still also heavily reminded that when he went in there for the first time, Belle wouldn’t be there. He wondered if his son had the same thought upon entering that room after his mother’s death. He wondered if it made her death real for him. Then Rumple wondered if it would make her death more real for him as well. After taking a deep breath, Rumple finally managed to turn the knob hearing as the door opened silently to darkness. It was like the light had gone out when Belle died. The room was cloaked in darkness, in mourning for its owner; something Belle would never have allowed. She always kept the room bright and shining, a beacon almost, and as he went into that darkness, Rumple was reminded that she was gone. Gone and never coming back. He became flooded with memories as he was drowned in the darkness of the room and suddenly his thoughts were all of her. Of her, looking content even after she started to get sick with book in hand, a smile ready for anyone that entered to find her that way. Of her smile when he gave the library to her with the guise of cleaning it. Of Belle, secretly designing then sowing her wedding dress in here, of her pregnant, once, twice, three times, with a hand on her stomach as she read aloud.   
“I’m reading to our baby. It’s never too early, Rumple” Belle had said smiling at him in that way that always made his heart glow. Coming to stand in the center of the room, Rumple breathed a sigh, hearing her words as if they were surrounding him. As if at any moment he would turn, and Belle would be there; but when he did all he found was darkness.   
“You shouldn’t be here” Nicholas’ voice came to him out of that darkness. Before he saw his son, Rumple could feel his anger in his words; and he didn’t blame him for it one bit. Instead, he turned around searching for the bearer of the voice within the pure black of the room. Rumple was startled by the sound spinning once more to look for his son.   
“I came to see you, son” Rumple called in answer searching for his figure, but not finding it until Nicholas wanted him to suddenly turning around to find him standing like a foreboding figure of mystery in the dark. Nicholas looked the most changed of his three children and Rumple wasn’t surprised. He had been particularly close to his mother. He was always by her side, clinging to her skirts in fascination as she taught him everything she knew herself. He had learned to read quicker then Charlotte and Annabelle hadn’t even gotten the chance to fully learn from her mother. But Nicholas had. Belle had left him with her wisdom, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t like his father. Nicholas had done the same as Rumple he just didn’t realize it. They had both locked themselves away. Neither of them knew what to do without Belle there to guide them.  
“You miss your mother, as I do. I can tell” said Rumple timidly approaching his son receiving a glare in response.   
“She wouldn’t want us fighting among ourselves. She always worked to make us a family” whispered Rumple finding he couldn’t look at his son as he said it; he knew this was his fault and so did his son, for he glared deeper still. His eyes were sunken, they looked like they had deep dark circles around them; he rarely left the library and he hated to sleep.  
“I see her in my dreams” Nicholas had explained only to Grace, who as his confidant, had not told a soul simply taking care of him as was her job now. Nicholas was sick of waking up hoping his mother was still alive. He was sick of finding her grave still a place of impending doom on the castle grounds and staring at it, he was sick of the knowledge that she was dead, buried beneath that tombstone. He wanted his loving caring exceptional mother back. But every time he wished it, he was reminded in his head that death could not be reversed. That was why as he glared at Rumple, he hated him, even as he knew that his mother would have been disappointed by it. But he couldn’t help it. This was always the way. Whenever he needed his father the most, he was never there. Instead, something else was always more important, but now his mother wasn’t here to make up for it. And Nicholas had finally had his fill of it. That’s why he continued to wear black; there was too many things in his life that he was mourning.   
The black of mourning for his mother.   
“What do you want? You shouldn’t be here” said Nicholas his arms crossing over his chest as if to protect himself and raising his voice, he made it clear he wanted his father to leave what to him was a sacred place. Looking at him, Rumple honestly didn’t know what to say; he knew his son wouldn’t let him explain away his actions.   
“I came to apologize to you, son” said Rumple gently wanting to grasp his sons’ slender arms as he explained everything, but the deepening of his glare stopped him.  
“I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to hear your excuses—nothing will fix it” whispered Nicholas.   
“I know, but we…I…have to try” said Rumple.   
“Why weren’t you thinking of any of this—of us, when you were locked away? As many excuses as you think you are entitled to, father, nothing can make up for this. You walked away and now…it’s too late. I don’t need you anymore—please, just leave” exclaimed Nicholas anger radiating through every word. Rumple stood there, ashamed of himself, so much so that he couldn’t look at his son anymore.  
“Your mother would have wanted us to mend things and be a family” whispered Rumple his voice quivering with unshed tears. The words hung in the air like a very heavy anchor and for the longest time there was silence. Until that silence suddenly ended with his son’s violent scream. He didn’t need his father telling him what she would want. He knew, and because of that he knew she would have been just as angry as he was.   
“Don’t tell me what she would want” whispered Nicholas leaving his square of black and moving towards his father his anger radiating from him.   
“She would have wanted a lot of things. She would have wanted to be here. She would have been just as mad and angry. She never would have let you just walk away from us when we needed you most. She always made sure you were a good father, something she never should have had to do. No one should have to tell you how to be a father” exclaimed Nicholas his words getting louder with every one that came coming to stand in front of Rumple to look his square in the eye before turning on his heel he stalked out of the room. Rumple felt like someone was crumpling his heart in their fist. It was hopeless, and he knew it. His son’s words hung in the air and he knew it was over; he had lost his son. And peering into the darkness of the room, he knew his son was right. Belle would have been ashamed of him. She would have been furious and never would have allowed him to be such a failure as a father. It all brought the tears to his eyes. Deep down, Rumple knew he hadn’t just failed his children, he had failed Belle, and, he had failed himself. Because of his desperation to find Baelfire, he had lost Nicholas.


End file.
